So anyway...

Changin' some stuff on the ol' blog

2008-02-25T15:11:00.005-05:00

Yeah I'm posting something here. Don't worry. It's meaningless. I changed the template to a generic, Joaquin-free one b/c I want to entries to have paragraph breaks again. I never did get everything migrated to the Wordpress URL and now that I'm at my own domain, I'm certainly never going to gitter done.* So everything is here, as it has been and there's nothing new in the archives except, as I said before, paragraph breaks. And now I'm back at Wordpress. Link relects that. Carry on citizens.

Don't Stop Believin'

2007-06-14T16:30:00.003-05:00

You know where to go now. This blog won't be updated any more.

Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world
She took the midnight train goin' anywhere
Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit
He took the midnight train goin' anywhere

A singer in a smoky room
A smell of wine and cheap perfume
For a smile they can share the night
It goes on and on and on and on

Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching in the night
Streetlight people, living just to find emotion
Hiding, somewhere in the night

Working hard to get my fill,
Everybody wants a thrill
Payin' anything to roll the dice,
Just one more time

Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh, the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on

(chorus)

Dont stop believin'
Hold on to the feelin'
Streetlight people

-- "Don't Stop Believin'" written by Neal Schon, Jonathan Cain and Steve Perry

And now...

2007-05-12T23:13:00.000-05:00

"So anyway..." has moved one more time: http://blog.piggyhawk.net Rock on.

Just a quick reminder that I've moved

2006-12-21T11:40:00.000-05:00

"So anyway..." and all my other individual blogs (writing, knitting, etc.) are combined at the new "So anyway..." Cheers!

Officially moving "So anyway..." to WordPress

2006-10-02T10:26:00.000-05:00

Blogger doesn't want to cooperate w/ those not on the beta version but you can't join the beta version if you have group blogs and I do. So all my new posts will be at WordPress. In fact, I've already posted there today. Please check it out. October: all about what is passing and what is changing. Change the feeds and bookmarks, hitch up the horses and let's move on out. Yeehaw! ETA: If you view this post at Gizoogle, it reads like this:

Monday, Motherfucka 02, 2006 Officially mov'n "So anyway..." ta WordPress Drug Deala doesn't want ta cooperate w/ those not on tha beta version but you C-to-tha-izzan't join tha bizzy version if you have group blogs n I do . Wussup to all my niggaz in the house. So all mah new posts wiznill be at WordPress. In fiznact, I've already posted there today. Pleaze check it out. Octoba: all `bout what is steppin' n whiznat is chang'n. Change tha feeds n bookmarks, hitch up tha horses n let's mizzy on out. Yeehaw! posted by Eden @ 11:26 AM 2 comments links ta this pizzle

Trouble posting comments?

2006-09-30T10:32:00.000-05:00

If you're having trouble posting comments at Blog*Spot blogs, know that the bloggers are having trouble making the posts as well. All my entries, from the blog and my others, are being cross-posted at the new "So anyway..." The way Blogger has been behaving lately, don't be surprised if some entries can't be posted here at all (or maybe days later). There's a feed there & everything. I recommend switching your feed subscription from the blogspot site to the wordpress site (same URL, just swap out those two words) or changing your book marks or however. Commenting at the WordPress site is much easier (no word verification, for example).

"So anyway..." as a graph

2006-09-29T15:53:00.000-05:00

"So anyway..." as a graph
Originally uploaded by edenza.

I have no idea what it means but it's purty

Boob tube

2006-09-29T10:50:00.000-05:00

A few days ago I was involved in a discussion of what's good in movies & on TV. See, when you have small kids your discussions turn from "what's new in theaters" to "what's new on DVD." Recommendations included V for Vendetta and Lost: Season 2. We talked some about "Battlestar Galactica" "House" and "Smallville." Then I mentioned how "Smallville" is always a problem. Hawk & I missed the first season of "Lost" b/c we were watching "Smallville" (even though I'd flip over to "Lost" or try to catch it on another TV, Hawk wouldn't watch until I Netflixed* the DVDs). Now "Smallville" is on against "...Earl" and "The Office." Then S of S&S said he'd never watched either. *gasp* Then I was reading over at Bobbo's Blog today and he's choosing "Survivor" over "MNiE" and "The Office" and he called them "stupid humor." *blink* The funniest, smartest shows on TV and here are two people not watching them... on purpose! I missed "MNiE" and "The Office" last night b/c we had to run errands and Hawk taped "Smallville" (meanwhile our TiVo collects dust). But last week... Jim says The Sharper Image is out of stock on the gaydar and Dwight suggests they check Brookstone. The increasingly creepy & awkward kissing at the meeting. When I saw the stapler (or whatever it was -- I was laughing to hard) in the molded Jello, I was dyyying. I mean, it's funny enough on its own but knowing where that came from... I need a moment to recover just from thinking about it. So how much did we miss last night? We haven't watched all of "Smallville" yet but I assume that yet another season premiere has come & gone w/o Lex dipping his bald head in oil and rubbing it all over Clark's body. *sigh* So anyway... What's more is that these shows aren't stupid humor. You can enjoy them no matter what but they're so nuanced and have so many levels of humor to enjoy. Why are people buying these "simple" comedies on DVD? B/c they lend themselves to repeated viewing . I also don't get why Bobbo has not one single comedy on his viewing list and why he's watching "The Biggest Loser" instead of "Lost" but hey, it's his TV time. Bobbo, you know I'm there for you man but you have me perplexed on this one. * If you're on Netflix, let me know. We can be Netflix buds.

Quiet days

2006-09-27T22:20:00.000-05:00

Thanks for all of the comments & e-mails w/ your condolences. We've really been touched by all of them. I wanted to write a quick entry to answer some of your questions and to let you know how things are generally. Things are quiet, first of all. Today we had our home heating oil tanks filled and it was quiet when the truck pulled into the driveway. It was almost like having no notice. Then when the doorbell rang, it was quiet. I still felt my arms kind of warming up, as if to grab Jake's collar to keep him back from the door. Answering the door, alone, to a strange man, I felt kind of naked without my ginormous dog there to protect me. Our UPS man will be so pleased next time he delivers a package. I had to sign for one not long ago and he went clean off the porch when he saw/heard Jake. The pizza guys in Erie got used to him and they knew the most he'd do would be to sniff them while uttering a half-assed bark. Kind of saying, "Hey howya doin'? You bring the pizza? Bark. Okay, bring it on in. I'm done with you." Zoe has not asked about Jake. She didn't say much about him when he went to live with Pappy for a while this summer. Since Jake spent much of his day curled up napping somewhere, saving his energy for Constant Vigilance, it's kind of natural that she hasn't noticed his absence. I thought our first opportunity for her to notice it was when we went out somewhere & he didn't bound up to greet her getting out of the car. That happened last night but she fell asleep on the way home. Holden, I think, has noticed. He says, "Aboof." Anyway, when I get him up in the morning, the first thing he does is look down and scout the floor. I know he's looking for Jake b/c Jake was always there to sniff his toes. He also looks for him when he gets down to crawl, since he was his #1 target. Now Zoe has moved up to the #1 spot and he goes after her. Sometimes when Zoe gets a cookie or something, she looks around. I know she's looking for him but she hasn't said anything. I don't know that she's old enough to understand the concept anyway. My plan is, if she asks, I'll tell her that Jake got very sick and couldn't get better and that he died. That would probably be enough. I don't think she'd ask about what that means or anything. To take her out to his grave would be confusing, I think. To say, "Jake is here" but not where she can see him... I think it wouldn't satisfy her at all. Jake's spot is very nice. Hawk made him a little cross for a temporary marker and I had some lilies that I put out there. We're going to make something for him, I think. I priced memorial stones online. They run from $50 to $120. I didn't really see anything I liked. I think we're going to get a large stone or piece of slate and maybe paint it and polyurethane it. Then I'd like to maybe put down some wildflower seed or something. It's in the woods so there's not much sun. We would build a little raised wall around, fill it with something like muscari bulbs and then cover it with topsoil. Ivy is another choice. We haven't talked much about it. We have talked about another pet. We were talking about another pet when Jake was doing better over the last month, hoping that maybe a younger dog (or a cat) would give him some renewed life. He really did have renewed life though, even without the other pet. It's probably a good thing he was the only pet at the time. We both want another large dog. I would like one sooner than Hawk would. He wants to wait for a while. I told him that when he's ready, I'm ready. We'd like to adopt an older puppy, like Jake was. Maybe 6-12 months old, if possible. Housebroken, preferably, and good with kids is a must. I know a lot about dog breeds so I know what to look for. I would take a puppy of the proper breed(s) of course. It all depends on what our choices are when the time comes. I'd been wanting a cat anyway but Hawk is not so much a cat person. He doesn't dislike cats but his cat experience is not very positive. His main concern is litter smell. My idea would be to keep a litter in our large downstairs bathroom. It could be emptied several times a day, if need be. His experience was that if he didn't empty the litter, it didn't get emptied. It's like how he hemmed & hawed about getting a dog. One day I just went to the shelter and did it. He turned out to be pretty okay with my decision. As I've said before, I'm about a 51% dog person, 49% cat person. I like both but I do prefer a dog. What I like about cats is different from what I like about dogs so it's kind of a moot point. I like a social cat. I like when they come and pad on your lap. We had friends who had a very fat cat. I liked the fat cat. You knew he was there, like a big dog. Zoe also likes the cats at S&S's house but they're so elusive. I think a puppy or a dog would be better with the kids at their ages. But if someone said, "Hey. Free black kitten." I'd say, "Right here!"* Hawk & I have spent the last couple of days talking about happy Jake memories. Not big stuff necessarily but small things, like how he used to jump over the sofa or rawhide farts (Hawk was looking at the old Adventure Dog page). We're hurting but not raw. Our memories are happy ones, we are happy we got that extra month (and that he was his old self for all but that last day) and we have lots of photos and videos to help us remember him for many, many years to come. * I began this entry this morning and finished it late tonight. Hawk's mother is on the phone. She thinks she has a free kitten: "black with orange spots." That's unusual.

Boobiethon 2006

2006-09-26T16:10:00.000-05:00

As you may remember, I participated in the 2005 Boobiethon, which raises money for the Komen Foundation*. At the time of my photos, I was about 7 months pregnant but that was only evident by the slight outward curve under my boobages. You had to be looking for it. So how to top a submission of photos of boobies that were working on milk preproduction? Nekkid boobies! Yes folks, if you contribute a mere $50 to Boobiethon, once it's under way, you not only get to see nekkid boobies of all beautiful sizes and shapes but you'll see mine among them (beautiful size & shape that they are)! I know, it's a little bit weird but you know how I am when it comes to a good cause (much less a good cause that involves titties). Besides, you won't even know which ones are mine. Of course you'll be able to see my partly-clothed boobies (in the same bra from last year, only fitting better) on the main page right near the beginning of Boobiethon. If you would like your nippular area on Boobiethon, you can submit your photo anytime from this very second through October 7. Remember: men are encouraged to submit photos to Boobiethon. Consider yourselves officially challenged to participate and/or donate. If you do participate in Boobiethon but don't mention it in your blog, please drop me a line. I won't out you but I'd love to know that you're having fun with the project. Come on! Show us your tits! ;) Okay, just show me so I can point and say, "Hey, I know those girls (or guys)." * This year Boobiethon will also be donating to The Children's Hospital of Boston (details on the 2006 Boobiethon site). FYI: My "official Boobiethon participants" link is to the new WordPress site.

This cheers up Chez Piggyhawk

2006-09-25T12:13:00.000-05:00

Video of Bill Clinton losing his shit on Fox News. I soooo love him (and you know he loves him a younger plus-size gal right back). Clinton, beeyotches! Woo! ETA: Add a little Olbermann, baby!

Jakedog, in his own barks

2006-09-25T08:08:00.000-05:00

ETA: This post is also available for comment at Wordpress if you have problems with Blogspot. Hello magic electronic box friends. I never much cared for this magic box b/c it took Mommy away from giving me 100% attention. I did like the big cold magic box that the food came from. I liked better the small hot magic box that turkeys sometimes came out of. Mmm. Turkey. You might remember that I was feeling sick at the end of last month. My Daddy took me to the thermometer-up-the-butt doctor, who gave me some medicine. I never liked getting a thermometer in my butt. Even though I hadn't eaten for a week, I decided I'd try some medicine, since it was in the food my People Buddy likes so much. It was pretty good and I felt better so then I had a Milkbone. Then I felt really good, like my old self again. On Friday, I still felt pretty good but my medicine dose was decreasing. Then on Saturday my people went out for a while. I didn't feel so good. When they came home, I didn't care that they didn't bring me any food but I was happy to see my People Buddy and my People Sissy. I also took a big pee in the yard. Then yesterday I really, really felt yucky. I was barfy and I didn't want to eat. Daddy tried giving me my medicine in the special bread he'd been buying for me but I didn't want that. Then he tried People Buddy's food. Nope. I just didn't want any more medicine. I was just tired and I didn't feel good anymore, not like I had in the last month when I had good food and I chased my People Sissy around when she would get a cookie. Last night Mommy messed up the supper (something about chili with no chili powder and substituting chipotle; it smelled weird even to me) despite my supervision from under the table. So Daddy went to the Golden M. Mommy used to drive me to the Golden M to get me to like going in the car. I never much cared for going in the car; I got carsick. People Sissy wanted to give me French fries but Mommy told her I didn't feel good. I still wanted to lay with everyone though. Earlier in the afternoon I had gone and laid outside in the grass, even though it was wet. I didn't want to go in. Daddy told me if I wanted to go, it was okay. Then he helped me come into the garage. I laid there for a while but hell, it was a garage. There are no people in the garage. So I came in. Late last night I got lots of pets & scratches from Mommy. We sat together while Sissy & Buddy played. Mommy told me if I wanted to go to sleep, it was okay. So I thought about that. Yeah, sleep is a good idea. Now that my People Buddy can crawl, I think he can take care of himself. I've trained my People Sissy already and she can pass my knowledge on. I thought of that last night when everyone finally went to bed. I knew Daddy was going in to work late today & would be able to take care of things this morning. He'd said about making another butt doctor appointment but I didn't want to do that. I decided. I laid down behind Mommy's chair in the dining room (the best spot for bites from the table) and I went to sleep. Thing is, from where I am now, I can really carry on my Constant Vigilance Campaign. I can see everything everywhere all the time! I can keep an eye on People Buddy and People Sissy when they're in different rooms. It's amazing. What's more is that People Sissy made sure I had all the Milkbones last week, as bait of course. So I'm happy. I was happy when I came home from the shelter with Mommy and I was happy ever since. Sure, I would have liked turkey or steak for dinner every night but you just can't get good help these days. Maybe if my People get a successor to me, that successor will have more luck than I did. I mean, I used to get pig ears every day and then they put me on a diet. A diet! I'm supposed to be spoiled! Okay, I was spoiled but don't tell my people that. So now I have a nice spot in the woods, all my own. No tail-pulling or ear-pulling (but no Milkbones either, which sucks). And like I said, I'm on Constant Vigilance so everyone's on notice about that now. I'm keeping an eye on things for always from my nice shady soft spot in the glen. It's been nice sniffing your virtual butt but I have shit to do, as Mommy & Daddy say. I have to prod Mommy to go get People Buddy out of his crib, changed and bottled. Honestly, a dog's work is never done. Here's a photo of me from Tuesday. Just a note: Kids taste goooood!

Multiple blogasms

2006-09-22T23:38:00.000-05:00

Holy shit -- Our "I Bought It On eBay " blog has gotten an A-list shout-out from Amalah. My link is on the word "different." I'm just sayin'. So a huge shout out to its creator: Jen. Her post is about "blogs on the side" -- the non-main blogs we keep. I have about a bazillion of them. I have The Younglings, where I keep most of my kid-related stuff. I created a separate blog so that I could have a PG-13 link at Blogging Baby w/ my name and they've still never linked my blog to my name. I also just enjoyed designing the color scheme there. I also have "Reasons For Moving," which is where I write about writing. Editorial grumblings, what I'm not doing w/ my books these days, contests I hear about, etc. I have it separate b/c not everyone is interested in business, which is what I consider my business (that and the topics at The Younglings, of course). I also keep "Knit Witch," which is where I blog about crafty stuff. I wasn't online much today but I did post an entry about the gloves I finished today. It's separate b/c, again, I don't think everyone is interested in the shit I make. The writing is more factual and less passionate than what I tend to do here. And, again, I enjoyed designing it. It's the same template as "The Younglings." "Becoming Brigdh Eden" is my religion blog. I definitely like to keep my religious beliefs to myself (although I do bring things up here when appropriate to general content, like the recent post about the pentacle on the gravestone). I know that not everyone is comfortable with witchcraft, Wicca, paganism, etc. but if you want to read about it, you're welcome to drop in at BBE. Part of the beauty of witchcraft is that we don't witness to others. It's not my job to bring it to you but if you want to seek, that's one place you can look. And now I'll pass the plate... I have my Sims at "Snarkervale" but I rarely write there b/c I rarely have time to Sim. I did Sim tonight for about half an hour. H took a mini nap and Z was crashed on the sofa. Of course it's 12:40 a.m. and she's wide awake now and bringing me my high school yearbooks. Group blogs are three knit-alongs (KALs): Knucks, Fetching and Dishcloth. I also contribute to Punk Rock Knit Gals, which is like a stitch & bitch with a lot of skulls and pink. [Your Agenda Here] is where some friends and I post our political opinions, activism links, etc. I just got tired of arguing in my comments in the fall of 2004 with people who had no intention of actually listening to what I was saying. I try not to feed the trolls too much. That doesn't mean I'm not going to continue to refer here to my senator as Rick "Man-on-dog" Santorum (or simply "Prick!" a la his bumper stickers) through the remainder of his days in office, limited though they are. I haven't put anything much in my photoblog since I went pro at Flickr. Sweet Beatrice is not so much a blog as a blogzine: We publish monthly with articles & essays about "parenting against the mainstream." For more definition, please read. Ms Sisyphus and I co-edit Sweet Bea so it's another joint project. Of course the hub of my wheel of blogs is "So anyway..." I've maintained this blog since November 2001. What you read here is pretty much who I am. When my birthmother (Callie) found me in April, she told me she'd been reading the blog for a while to kind of get to know me. My first thought was, "Well, so much for me pretending to be a good & decent human being at first." My second thought was, "Hey wait a second. She wants to talk to me anyway." I suppose that the thing of it is, even when you know that you are not your blog and when someone criticizes it or praises it, you still kind of take it personally. No matter how much you try to put all of yourself, or most of yourself, into your blog, there are aspects of your personality and interests that don't fit into what you present as the core of your being. It's like the "about me" on the Blogger profile. Yes, I am all of those things: American, writer, editor, witch, wife, babymamma, dogmother, shameless liberal, creatrix, crafty babe and foxy bitch. I can't define myself by any one of those tags. None of my IDs anywhere is anything like "zoeandholdensmom" or "edenwrites." It's part of who I am but nowhere near all of who I am. If you just read one of my blogs, this is the one to read but if you peek in at one of the others you might get a moment of "huh, I didn't know that about her." On a related note, I added my fifty things to the new Wordpress blog. Thanks for reading :)

eBay seller cherry -- popping in progress

2006-09-21T17:26:00.000-05:00

I've listed my first items for sale at eBay. Need some shoes? Here's my About Me page; you can view the sales from there. Jen, hold my hand.

The first taste is always free

2006-09-21T13:27:00.000-05:00

Hey Flickr pro folks: Check out moo.com. They've just launched a Mini Cards service where they'll print 10 of your Flickr photos on a card (w/ info on the back, including your Flickr icon, if you like) for free and ship them for free to show you the service. This is good for the first 10k Flickr pro account holders who ask. Me likee. I'll show you mine when they come.

TMX Elmo at work

2006-09-21T12:26:00.000-05:00

This made me larf aloud. I might just have to invest in one.

Bloggy goodness & Bumblefuckian fun

2006-09-21T09:41:00.001-05:00

I haven't had Big Stuff to blog but now I have a nice collection of little things to share.

Hawk told me a few days ago that he killed ANOTHER SNAKE. Then he says, "It wasn't big. It was just a garter snake." And I quote: My least favorite snake in the world: garter snakes.

Today is International Peace Day.

Toasted Cheese's Three Cheers and a Tiger 3-day story contest opens tomorrow and closes Sunday. I believe the autumn one is a sff theme.

And now, the Bumblefuckian Fun.

A week ago Sunday, Hawk called Bets (his mother) around 10 a.m. and asked her to come keep an eye on kids so he & I could paint H's room and get him moved in there. He said if he & I could get some work done by noon or so, we could make lunch, etc.

She hemmed & hawed & he said if she couldn't make it, don't worry about it. So the day wears on and we're working in shifts as we do (one watches kids, other does house stuff) when around 3:00 I say that I'm going to go do the trim so we can paint while we have some light to do it. I trim until around 5:30. Then I say, "I'm hungry. I'll go for some pizza and we'll eat it and when we're done, you can do the walls." So I go for pizza & I'm back in ten minutes and guess whose car is in the driveway. Yap. She was waiting for mealtime so she could come & eat and then go home. As became the custom with the Bumblefuck Bunch after only a few weeks.

I'd only gotten pizza for Hawk, Z & myself so there was none for her or K-Dawg (Hawk's brother), whom she dragged along. So I took advantage of having her there to do some small unpacking and organizing in the living room (she's really incapable of being left on her own to watch the kids). Z wants to watch DVDs in the playroom so K-Dawg keeps an eye on her (which is really unnecessary). A while later, K-Dawg appears and whispers something to Bets. Then he goes away & Bets says nothing & I continue to go about my business.

A few minutes later she says, "Zoe's diaper is wet." Zoe is not in the room.

I say, "So change it." B/c I'm in the middle of all this stuff.

She says, "Her pants are wet."

I say, "Well her clothes are in her bedroom." It's obvious she wants to pawn her off on me.

So after she stands there looking stupid for a couple of minutes, she goes to get Z, changes her, leaves her pants off and lets her run off downstairs again. Then a while after that, she says, "Her diaper leaked on the sofa."

I say, "The new white sofa?" I have no idea b/c I'm working.

She says, "No the one downstairs."

Fine. I'll towel that up later. How bad can it be?

It turns out that her diaper leaked while she was sitting on the sofa and the pee went down into the cushion. That's what K-Dawg had come up to tell her. Instead of coming to me and saying "Z's diaper just leaked on the sofa," he came up & told Bets, and let Z sit there in the piss puddle until Bets realized I was not going to do what Hawk had specificially asked her to come help with. Moreover he did nothing about the sofa cushion, not even to get paper towels for it. I didn't discover it until hours, HOURS, later when they left and I went downstairs to see what Z had been up to under her uncle's supervision.

So anyway, sometime after the Z diaper incident, Bets made the announcement that H had a dirty diaper.

I said, "So change it."

She stood there. Then she says, "It's dirty."

I said, "So change him. Everything is right there." She was standing next to the changing table at the time.

So she stands there a while more, sees I'm busy doing stuff (at this point, I decide to start cleaning up b/c she's useless and I'm sending her home, as I did on Christmas Day).

Then as she's got H on the table, diaper opened, Hawk comes in, having finished painting for the night. She says to him, "Holden has a dirty diaper."

He says, "So?"

I shit you not, she says, "Don't you want to change him?"

Hawk says, "No. You're in the middle of changing him."

So she gets him changed. There a short amount of visiting time and I say, "Well it's eight o'clock. We need to get the kids in bed so see ya." Then Hawk escorts them to the door and they're out.

To cleanse the palate, we did go to a huge, lovely picnic party thing around Labor Day. Hay rides, kegs, homemade desserts & casseroles and a pinata full of candy & toys. What else do you really need? Anyway, that's part of the positive side of the Bumblefuck life. I made cardamom cashew bars and lemon-lime cookies.

I also need to RSVP to a Halloween party invite. This party is on Oct 14 and I think I'll wear one of my older costumes to it -- something more modest perhaps. So the invite says that the party is brought to you by The Adams Family (ordinarily I wouldn't use a real name but that one has the lovely double meaning regardless of spelling) and our family. So apparently we're co-hosting a party & I need to talk to this woman.

I almost want to get Z the Old Navy Indian Princess costume as well as the one she's wearing to S&S's Ginormous Monster Halloween Party. Okay, I really just want to get her the costume. Maybe next year b/c I always wanted to get her that costume but I never thought she'd leave on the headband. I still haven't decided on mine yet.

Two Onion newsflashes

2006-09-20T19:56:00.000-05:00

Mister Rogers� Neighborhood Gerrymandered To Serve King Friday�s Make-Believe Agenda September 19, 2006 | Issue 42�38 MISTER ROGERS� NEIGHBORHOOD, PA�A plan to radically redistrict Mr. Rogers� Neighborhood to further cement the control of the powerful King Friday XIII political machine is expected to pass this week and deeply affect current taxation structure, voting patterns, and services. �Meow-me-meow can�t afford meow property tax as it stands now meow, and meow don�t want everything I�ve worked for to be destroyed meow,� said one resident, who asked to remain anonymous. Among the anticipated changes are sharp cutbacks in speedy deliveries, the elimination of trolley routes to such low-income districts as Someplace Else and the platypus mound, as well as the destruction of the Museum-Go-Round to make room for a massive new headquarters for The Electric Company. Super Priest Can Turn Anything Into Body, Blood Of Christ September 20, 2006 | Issue 42�38 TAOS, NM�Father Thomas Mandow appears to be a simple, mild-mannered parish priest, but his remarkable faith and surpassing holiness have bestowed him with the awesome power to transform just about anything into the body and blood of Jesus Christ. �I can state, without indulging myself in the sin of pride, that I have been blessed with the ability to convert anything into a Communion sacrament�which must be used for good�and then be partaken of in remembrance of our Lord and Savior,� said Mandow in a press conference where he displayed a transubstantiated 24-piece bucket of chicken, a 64-oz. Mountain Dew bottle, and the September 2 issue of Sports Illustrated. �Although I would not advise eating all of these items for reasons having nothing to do with their intrinsic holiness.� Mandow believes he received the dangerous gift of super-consecration after being bitten by a radioactive bishop.

TCHGN: Brad Pitt trumps Tom... again

2006-09-20T10:54:00.000-05:00

In our ongoing mission to keep you abreast of all Tom Cruise Has Gone Nuts news, we have discovered this juicy morsel that should further infuriate Tom: he might be replaced in the M:I series by his onetime costar Brad Pitt.

Sources claimed Paramount was prepared to do whatever it takes to get Brad on board, even suggesting they were willing to pay him $39 million, which would make him the highest-paid movie star in history.

But see, Brad Pitt can act. And he doesn't always play an Insufferable Prick�. So yeah, I can see him being the top-paid movie star in the world. That plus the "first photos" dollar amount Tom was reportedly jealous of and the idea that people still want to go see Brad Pitt's movies should make his robot head asplode.

Star Wars Gangsta Rap

2006-09-20T09:49:00.000-05:00

Check it out, yo. Some actual content is coming one of these days. Really.

This year, it's leather

2006-09-19T12:41:00.000-05:00

It's our anniversary and it's Talk Like a Pirate Day. What are we doing for our anniversary? We might go out to Eat-N-Park. What did I get? Nothing. What did Hawk get? Nothing. As Hawk says, the best gifts are free (*wink wink nudge nudge*). Frankly I have too much shit to do to worry about finding a gift for him or giving him suggestions of what I want. I got that Sooper Standing Mixer last month so I'm happy. Hawk got the new Star Wars DVDs so he's happy. Frankly I think what we both want is eight hours of uninterrupted sleep and an hour of time to oneself. I would use mine to get a bath and then to work on organizing my closet. He would use his to play a videogame (he mentioned WoW). But this whole leather thing makes me wonder: if you make it to anniversary #9, do you need something leather to spice things up? If so, I'd like a pair of fantastic boots. Savvy? ETA: And Hal is 9 months old today:

Yessir, that's my alma mater

2006-09-18T11:34:00.000-05:00

We'll just drive Saturday night from our minds and enjoy this nugget from The Onion:

Florida State University To Phase Out Academic Operations By 2010 September 14, 2006 | Onion Sports SARASOTA, FL*�Bowing to pressure from alumni, students, and a majority of teaching professors of Florida State University, athletic director Dave Hart Jr. announced yesterday that FSU would completely phase out all academic operations by the end of the 2010 school year in order to make athletics the school's No. 1 priority. "It's been clear for a while that Florida State's mission is to provide the young men and women enrolled here with a world-class football program, and this is the best way to cut the fat and really focus on making us No. 1 every year," Hart said. "While it's certainly possible for an academic subsidiary to bring a certain amount of prestige to an athletic program, the national polls have made it that our non-athletic operations have become a major distraction." FSU's restructuring program will begin with the elimination of the College of Arts and Sciences, effective October 15

* Some errors: FSU is in Tallahassee. They do not only recruit for football; they also recruit people for baseball, golf, track, basketball and the circus.

Before long, they'll want their own winged monkeys

2006-09-16T14:15:00.000-05:00

I got this from Americans United (a group that advocates the separation of church & state). It is therefore a partisan group bu the news is the same:

Americans United Applauds Action Of Nevada Officials In Granting Memorial Marker To Wiccan Soldier Action Comes After Federal Government Fails To Approve Religious Symbol Americans United for Separation of Church and State today applauded Nevada Gov. Kenny C. Guinn and other state officials for ordering that the symbol of the Wiccan faith be affixed to a memorial plaque of a soldier who died in combat in Afghanistan. Roberta Stewart, the widow of Sgt. Patrick Stewart, has petitioned the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs to add the Wiccan symbol, the Pentacle, to Stewart�s plaque, but VA officials in Washington have refused to act. The VA has approved 38 other religious and non-religious symbols for use on headstones and memorial plaques but has refused to act on a nine-year-old application to permit the Wiccan symbol. In the interim, it quickly approved six other emblems for faiths with far fewer adherents serving in the armed forces. Sgt. Stewart, a decorated soldier and follower of the Wiccan faith, was killed in action when his helicopter was shot down by Taliban forces over Afghanistan on Sept. 25, 2005. He was a resident of Nevada, and his memorial marker will be placed on the Wall of Heroes at the Northern Nevada Veterans Memorial Cemetery near Fernley. Guinn and Tim Tetz, executive director of the Nevada Office of Veterans Services, took action yesterday after consulting with the Nevada attorney general�s office. Nevada officials believe that because the cemetery is located on state land, state officials have a right to intervene. Americans United Executive Director Barry W. Lynn praised the Nevada officials for the move and called on federal officials to stop dragging their feet. Lynn said other Wiccan families are still waiting for approval to use the symbol at federal gravesites. �It�s a disgrace that the federal government continues to refuse to recognize complete religious equality,� said Lynn. �Under our Constitution, Wiccans enjoy the same religious-freedom rights as every other faith. �We will continue to press this issue until the federal government gives a favorable response,� Lynn concluded. Attorneys with Americans United have written letters to VA officials, urging them to approve the use of the Pentacle at federal gravesites. AU is also considering litigating the matter.

FYI: The US Army Chaplain's handbook recognizes Wicca as a faith but the government claims not to. Strange.

"His prickles defend him against rampant pricks"

2006-09-16T00:35:00.000-05:00

Doesn't he listen to Nanny Ogg?

Man needed surgery after sex with hedgehog A Serbian man needed emergency surgery after he had sex with a hedgehog on a witchdoctor's advice. Zoran Nikolovic, 35, from Belgrade, says the witchdoctor told him it would cure his premature ejaculation. But he ended up in an operating theatre after the hedgehog's needles left his penis severely lacerated. A hospital spokesman said: "The animal was apparently unhurt and the patient came off much worse from the encounter. We have managed to repair the damage to his penis."

Cherrybombshell

2006-09-15T22:26:00.000-05:00

So as you may remember I highlighted my hair out of a kit a week ago. I wasn't sure if I liked it when it was wet. When it was half dry I loved it so much, I photographed it & shared it. The next day I hated it. It didn't turn out in chunky strips, like it looked when it was wet. It was a solid strawberry blonde that looked like I'd attempted full coverage or that I'd fully dyed it blonde and was growing it out. Badly. Kind of like Johnny Depp in Secret Window. I went down to the root very purposefully but it didn't take at the root. I had one big chunk on the left side of my part and a smooth, even, light coloring on the right. It was bizarre. Note that the kit I got was (1) for colored or natural hair and (2) specifically for redheads. So it turned me blonde. No offense to the many blondes I know and love but I didn't want to be among your numbers. But hey, I was trying something new. So I couldn't stand the way it looked by Tuesday and so I got another coloring kit. It's the only one I've used more than once: Natural Instincts in Rosewood. Rosewood is a "deep auburn," more brown than red. Seeing as I've discovered that I have lovely dark hair in my genetic background, I see why the shade always complemented me. So I did the familiar thing and used the Rosewood. Now my highlights are cherry red. I call it "Kool-Aid red" and Hawk says "Cherry Red." Moreover, my hair doesn't look so red as it naturally does. I look like a brunette who put red highlights in her hair. I love it. I feel all cool and punky. I feel like I'm a mom by day and the singer in a band called Territorial Cocksuckers by night. I want to line my eyes like Captain Jack Sparrow (which I kind of did before we went out on Wednesday -- photo below) and shred my t-shirts. Instead I made meatloaf, mashed red potatoes and baby peas for supper, played with the kids and wound down the night watching Charlie & The Chocolate Factory on HBO w/ Z & H, one on each side of me, in my arms. I live on the edge.

Plus and minus

2006-09-14T16:18:00.000-05:00

Jen at "What's Your Name, Mommy?" has a good post up today about body image. She approaches the subject as a naturally slender woman who has worked hard to gain weight (as admirable an achievement as losing weight). She writes about body image in society and the "real women have curves" mindset. As I commented at her blog, the idea is right (body acceptance) but the approach is wrong and the idea of "real women have curves" is discriminatory. So to continue the discussion, how do we work together as women to bring the plus sized among us (*raise hand*) into greater aceptance without tearing down our slimmer sisters? I'm not 100% happy with my body all the time. I've retained a lot of my baby weight and I still have baby belly but I recognize that that's normal and instead of being beside myself about it, I do my best to hide things until I get the opportunity to shed some surplus poundage. I know that my body issues (from "I hate my flub" to "I love my curves") is 100% about me and not about who I see on TV or in magazines. I don't need to mock another woman's body to make myself feel better about mine. I don't need to make statements like, "I'm a real woman b/c I have curves." I'm a "real woman" b/c of who I am and what I do, not b/c of how others assess my appearance. Also, how do your feel about your angles (be they curves or straighter lines)? What is your favorite physical feature? Say something positive about your body either here in the comments or in your own blog.

A strong woman is a woman who loves strongly and weeps strongly and is strongly terrified and has strong needs. A strong woman is strong in words, in action, in connection, in feeling; she is not strong as a stone but as a wolf suckling her young. Strength is not in her, but she enacts it as the wind fills a sail. What comforts her is others loving her equally for the strength and for the weakness from which it issues, lightning from a cloud. Lightning stuns. In rain, the clouds disperse. Only water of connection remains, flowing through us. Strong is what we make each other. Until we are all strong together, a strong woman is a woman strongly afraid.

-- from Marge Piercy's "For strong women"

Backwards and in high heels

2006-09-13T23:01:00.000-05:00

Former Gov. Ann Richards, the witty and flamboyant Democrat who went from homemaker to national political celebrity, died Wednesday night after a battle with cancer, a family spokeswoman said. She was 73. She died at home surrounded by her family, the spokeswoman said. Richards was found to have esophageal cancer in March and underwent chemotherapy treatments. The silver-haired, silver-tongued Richards said she entered politics to help others -- especially women and minorities who were often ignored by Texas' male-dominated establishment. "I did not want my tombstone to read, 'She kept a really clean house.' I think I'd like them to remember me by saying, 'She opened government to everyone,' " Richards said shortly before leaving office in January 1995. She grabbed the national spotlight with her keynote address at the 1988 Democratic National Convention when she was the Texas state treasurer. Richards won cheers from delegates when she reminded them that Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, "only backwards and in high heels." Richards sealed her partisan reputation with a blast at George H. W. Bush, a fellow Texan who was vice president at the time: "Poor George, he can't help it. He was born with a silver foot in his mouth." Asked once what she might have done differently had she known she was going to be a one-term governor, Richards grinned. "Oh, I would probably have raised more hell."

A shining example of why we were so eager to leave Whazzatsmell

2006-09-13T11:48:00.000-05:00

In a bizarre string of events, the University of Northern Colorado's reserve punter lost any chance to kick on the field this year after an attack on the team's first-stringer. Mitch Cozad faces charges of second-degree assault after being arrested by the Evans Police Department on Tuesday night on accusations that he stabbed Rafael Mendoza in his kicking leg on Monday night. Mendoza, a 5-foot-11, 210-pound junior from Thornton, was treated and released from North Colorado Medical Center on Monday night. Cozad, a sophomore from Wheatland, Wyo., transferred to UNC from the University of Wyoming and was in a three-way battle for the starting punting position with Mendoza and freshman Zak Bigelow in preseason drills. Lt. Gary Kessler of the Evans Police Department said the incident took place in a parking lot in the 2700 block of Crescent Cove Drive.

It's worth reading the whole article. So anyway... this was the neighborhod we lived in, roughly. I Mapquested this and it's .67 miles from the house we rented. In fact, I can very clearly picture the apartment complex where this happened b/c it was on our walking route. The walking route I took when I walked alone w/ Z was not out this far b/c frankly I was afraid to walk alone in Whazzatsmell. When Hawk, Jake, Z and I walked together, we walked the route Mapquest recommends to get to this place. The neighborhood where we were was small and we had to cross a road to get into this second neighborhood, which seemed pretty nice for what it was (playgrounds & all). Sometimes I miss the Hobby Lobby, the Sonic, RMNP and Flatiron Crossing. Otherwise I'm glad we're not there anymore.

Saddam Hussein: latest addition to KitH

2006-09-13T09:34:00.000-05:00

Via CNN:

"Congratulations! you are in a cage, Saddam," witness Ghafour Hassan Abdullah said as he stared at the ousted president. Hussein later lashed out at "agents of Iran and Zionism" in the courtroom and vowed to "crush your heads."

He then donned a toque, set his fingers in a pinching motion and pressed them repeatedly, squinting through them at passersby. He was visibly distressed when Kevin McDonald appeared in the other side of the courtroom and began "pinching [his] face." Angered, Hussein said, "You are agents of Iran and Zionism. We will crush your heads." To which McDonald replied, "I'm pinching your face. Pinch, pinch, pinch." Then a little redhaired girl came out and proclaimed that the queen of England doesn't know her ABCs and the situation resolved without incident.

A Rosie View

2006-09-12T10:51:00.000-05:00

As you might recall, I'm not a huge fan of "The View." However two of the reasons I didn't like it are now gone. I was down in our playroom unpacking board games and "People's Court" was over so I thought, "Let's see what 'The View' is like these days." Yesterday I caught some of a rerun of "Martha" and you know I enjoy The Martha (I'm not a rabid fan but I get her -- Hawk hates The Martha). On the rerun, Martha and Rosie were making melty-centered cupcakes and wearing Olympic hats. I've found Rosie incredibly annoying in recent years although I did like her talk show. Watching "Martha" yesterday, I remembered why I liked Rosie and that's another reason I tuned in to "The View". I've tried to read Rosie's blog. It is an indecipherable mess. It's a shame she doesn't write something coherent and conversational (which is her appeal, IMO) instead of cryptic webspeak pseudopoetry. So a lack of Rosie's personality in the blog and from life in general had made me think maybe I didn't like her so much. Oh dear. I was wrong. I understand why a lot of people don't like Rosie. She's outspoken and a lot of people don't want to hear an outspoken woman give her opinions *cough*. Especially since the people she infuriates with her opinions (or her marriage or what have you) seem to see things in such black and white terms. She's also loud in a New Yawky kind of way. Roger Ebert wrote, "she has generally had the same effect on me as fingernails on a blackboard." But for some people, qualities like brashness and outspokenness are positives. I like watching Rosie talk with other people. She's good at making connections and finding common interests. I mean, she's sitting next to Elizabeth and could crush her in one fell stroke and hasn't. She must have found a common ground (I think it's crafting but more on that later). So what made me come up here and blog this? Barbara Walters was talking about a new Esquire article (which I read about days ago) wherein Brad Pitt asks for help about diaper rash (A&D ointment has always been our go-to although our kids are lucky enough not to get it too bad). Elizabeth jumped in of course b/c she knows everything about everything and has determined what's best for humankind. Then Rosie says that a doctor told her to go get a dog that's just whelped and bring it over to lick the baby's bottom. She said that the dog's tongue has a "natural antibiotic" in it. Elizabeth was horrified. It was the best two minutes of television I've seen since "Deadwood" ended. I could watch Rosie just gab for ages. She gabs in a way that you'd like to gab with a friend. She comes across as very honest and I find her refreshing and fun. I don't agree w/ her on every little thing but I dig where she's coming from and agreeing with someone on every topic is boring anyway. So anyway... Earlier in the show, Babs was showing off a sweater from the new Oscar de la Renta collection and she says to Rosie, "You could crochet this for me." Rosie replied, "Not only could I crochet it but I could Bedazzle it." A Bedazzler! That's hilarious. Then Elizabeth had to get in there and talk about herself, b/c everything is about her, and how she's a crafting genius. Rosie is "very crafty," as anyone who watched her old show can tell you, and she said that she & Elizabeth should do a craft segment together. Bullshit. What they should do is a craft deathmatch, like that badly produced show that used to be on (and still might be for all I know). I watched once to see Jenny Hart. Anyway, I think that Elizabeth and Rosie should be given materials and a goal and then spend the duration of an interview segment (which Joy or Babs could do) putting the thing together. Then the audience could judge and possibly vote online and some voter could win a crafty package or chain store giftcard or something. Hell, a viewer could participate as a third. Wouldn't that be a riot? It could be. And I'm going to tell "The View" my idea right now... Done.

I heart Miss Snark

2006-09-12T09:09:00.000-05:00

"The funny smell drifting your way is the scent of powder used in the clue-cannon."

It's Blair

2006-09-11T16:07:00.000-05:00

This is is the funniest thing I've seen today (and a lot of people are bringing The Funny to cheer up the masses). Via Jay. I like; "Wow. You know, the only celeb we remember meeting as a child was Potsy (sic) from "Happy Days" in the Ft. Lauderdale airport."

Google Web Accelerator = bad

2006-09-11T08:36:00.000-05:00

I just made this comment over at Thordora's place. It occurred to me that I didn't share this information so I'm sharing it now.

Get away from the Google Web Accelerator! Unload it right now! For weeks I was unable to comment at Blogging Baby. I had a guy from Weblogs Inc. AND Uncle Roger working on the problem with me and we couldn't figure it out. For some reason, I thought of deactivating the GWA and miraculously I was able to comment again. It was screwing up other sites in small ways as well. Apparently it fucks w/ Java or JavaScript or something. Get rid of it!

Plus it didn't make any difference w/ loading sites or anything. It claimed to have saved me 5-6 hours by the time I pinpointed it as the problem but I just noticed it took longer for sites to load. Just FYI.

Survey: Halloween costumes

2006-09-09T20:49:00.000-05:00

View bigger shots here but here are thumbnails. Which do you like (for me or for yourself)? If you see another on those pages you like, shout it out. Atlantis Queen .......... Dorothy Fiona .......... Goldilocks Maids (1 & 2) Red Riding Hood .......... Supergirl Tell me (either via comments or in your own blog) what your favorite Halloween costume was and what you would love to dress up as for Halloween sometime. Do you like cute, gory, sexy, funny or what? BTW: I might not even pick one of these in the end. We planned Hawk's costume based on a hat in the store. If he goes through with it and we find the major element, it will be the most awesome Halloween costume ever. Remember, Hawk's last Halloween costume was a Red Sox shirt & cap, a mitt, jeans and a bandage around his foot. He was Schilling. Whatever gets him in jeans and a t-shirt is his usual costume. This year... a real costume! Of course you're welcome to guess but I don't think anyone will get it. I already gave you a hint. Go ahead & try! FYI: My faves are the maid(s), Supergirl and Dorothy. The others are second tier but way cute, doncha think?

If you liked yesterday's post...

2006-09-09T11:21:00.000-05:00

... you'll love this: Jul's Guide to Turning Your Lyle Lovett Into a Michael Stipe.

A Million Little Refunds

2006-09-09T08:42:00.000-05:00

Disgruntled readers of the memoir-like book A Million Little Pieces may have a new recourse. Its author, James Frey, admitted earlier this year to fabrications in his story, which had been sold as a memoir. Frey, his publisher, Random House, and a group of readers have nearly finalized a settlement which will offer refunds to readers who feel they were defrauded. Michele Norris and Robert Siegel explain what it will take to get that refund.

I didn't buy it so I don't get any dough. I am interested in the one by Cupcake Brown, please tell me if you've read it, and Girlbomb: A Halfway Homeless Memoir by Janice Erlbaum.

Feeling all full moon feminine-empowered...

2006-09-08T16:03:00.000-05:00

Highlights
Originally uploaded by edenza.

... I highlighted my hair.

I have a friend who has chunky highlights & hers always look fantastic. I saw her out the other day & decided "I'm doing that." So I found a nice kit for (1) redheads and (2) for natural-colored hair.

Before I washed it, it looked blonde. I had a serious Paulie Walnuts thing going on in one spot. Other highlights I couldn't see. Now that it's drying, I'm lving it.

We have a doctor's picnic thingy tomorrow wherein I make my grand debut to the other spouses (there are men this go-round!) and partners. I guess it's a kind of "I'm not doctor's-wifey" in some way. It's also "Screw you" to Flora, who decreed everything about my hair until I went off to college. It's also very "you don't know unless you try."

Most of all it was "Holden took a nice long nap, on schedule, and Zoe was playing pirate ship and watching Harry Potter."

Story: It's me, Eden

2006-09-08T10:39:00.000-05:00

Blame Thordora for this one. My mother (Flora) refused to discuss anything that involved a vagina. Childbirth, pregnancy, sex, menstruation, etc. I had a doctor give me a genital exam when I was about 8 or 9 (I think I'd broken my hymen while riding my bike and she panicked). He told her something that I needed to do but he didn't tell me. He told her. She told me, "You need to pull yourself apart." I need to what? She'd say, "You know. Down there." No I don't know. I have no idea what you're talking about. I still don't know. I ran it past Hawk & he said something about a fused clitoris (hello Googlers!) but he said everything looked fine in his medical opinion. So anyway... When I was 11 or so, there were pamphlets at the pediatrician's office for free feminine hygiene products. Free trumped humiliation so my mother picked up a card and sent it away, in my name, for a myriad of Kimberly Clark products. I received a huge box, about the size of two sofa cushions, full of pads, tampons, leaflets, coupons, etc. My mother took the tampons right away and told me they were for "dirty girls" who "like things up there." Oh I identify completely with Carrie on that count. Me and my dirty pillows. So the box went up to the top of my closet and I had everything I need for The Day, whenever it might arrive. I was completely prepared for my period. I'd read Are You There God? It's Me Margaret. I was ready for belts and hooks and teaspoons of blood. I had already been wearing a real bra for over two years and I knew better than to pose my existential questions about God to anyone. None of my friends had gotten their periods yet but we had made a pact to share the news when it did happen. I don't remember a lot of the details about the landing of the eagle. I was lucky enough to be at home when it came. It was January, a month after I'd turned 12. I remember that I thought "What just happened?" and I went into the bathroom and my underwear was full of blood. I was completely unprepared for that sight. I called for my mother, no screaming or panicking b/c my life experience had told me that should could very well go into hysterics or a downturn based on what was happening. It did cross my mind in that time between my discovery and her arrival that this frightening event could be my period. More likely my guts had liquefied and were oozing out my vag -- a punishment for being "dirty" in some way, I was certain. She came in, saw what was going on and got me clean clothes and the box from the top of the closet. She had gone through menopause sometime when I was either very, very young or maybe before I was born (remember: I'm adopted). Mine were the first and only pads I ever encountered in our home. She showed me basically what to do with them, insofar as peeling off the adhesive strip. Where were the belts and hooks? That didn't occur to me; I was too busy thinking *groooooooooan*. No one had ever mentioned cramps. When I was all ready to present myself to the world again, it was dinnertime. My belly hurt so bad, I could barely walk. I remember eating supper and feeling this goo rushing out of me and onto the pad. After dinner I had to go and check what was going on. Was it over yet? The pad was saturated and I had to use another. I went through the whole box in two days and got in trouble for using them up. No one told me it would last for days and days and cause a rise in the Kimberly Clark stock with the sheer volume of supplies I needed. I had to wear two pads end-to-end (with a little overlap) just to be able to go to school. I didn't start using tampons until about 10 years ago. As I wrote long ago, I wish I'd known how much better, cleaner and easier tampons are than pads. Again, no one told me and I wasn't allowed to discuss it. Also, back in the old days of the 80s and 90s, people weren't as frank and open as they are now. They'll put just about anything in a blog for public consumption *cough* So anyway... I had a Valentines party the following month and, in turn, got another period. I had a few friends over. One of my friends spotted me retrieving a thick "overnight" pad to use as I was closing the bathroom door. She said, "Why do you need that?" My answer was, and I'll never forget it, was, "When I go, I go heavy," which was a quote from my mother about how many pads I was using (she'd come to her senses that I was not menstruating heavily on purpose just to ruin her life). What my friend was actually saying, and I hadn't gotten it at the time, was "Why didn't you tell us?" The answer to that came when I was learning how to use maxi pads the month before. My mother said, "Don't you dare tell anyone you got your period." I assume that her concern was that I might be teased or that some boys might find out or what have you. Meanwhile I had big news to share and no one to share it with. My friends thought I was dishonest for not telling them it had happened and none of them told me when theirs came, although they told each other. Junior high school sucks. My whole point in recounting the virgin surf of the crimson wave is this: Thordora's post tackled how the onset of her period was tied to the fact that her mother had passed away and she also had no woman to turn to for help. In my case, my mother's BPD was in one of her biggest upswings ever. It had reared its ugly head before but I remember the whole spring of my 7th grade year was a nightmare. It was almost like having no mother at all, having one that was just about as whacked-out as possible (imagine Carrie's mother combined with Joan Crawford, who reportedly had BPD and Mommie Dearest is actually a pretty accurate portrayal of life w/ a BPD) and constantly walked out, screamed, threw things, called everyone names, blamed everyone for her life being so terrible, etc. It's funny how many women tie their periods to the mothers. It makes absolute sense; what could be more indicative of being female? Not every woman experiences childbirth but we all deal with menstruation. It hits us when we're girls. I still had a Barbie Dreamhouse in my bedroom when mine came. It was almost like the strike of a magical clock -- I felt that I was supposed to put away the toys and start buying copies of Tiger Beat so I could plaster my room with posters of Ricky Schroder, Rob Lowe and Matt Dillon (The Outsiders was huge at the time). I was never "friends" with my "friend." I had crippling cramps that would keep me home from school. I got bloated and crabby (but was never allowed to let it out b/c my mother would go apeshit). Going on The Pill in 1996 was enormously helpful on all counts. Now that I'm done w/ my uterus, every month since Hal was born, I think, "So when will this stop? How many more years am I going to have to endure the pain and the hassle of a period?" My annoyance could also come from years of a period heralding yet another failed attempt at conception. Part of the joy of pregnancy for me was not having a period for nearly a year. I wonder if any women really embrace menstruation as something natural and beautiful. Is hating it what we have in common as a feminine bond? Is it something we use to tie to our mothers: a common dislike of "Aunt Flo?" Sorry to bore or off-put my male readers. I promise the next blog entry about vaginas will be far more friendly. In the meantime, maybe some of you could comment or blog your own stories about Me & My [.]. I dare ya, as one girl to another.

A cartoon for bloggers

2006-09-08T10:19:00.000-05:00

Check it out.

Some semblance of photographic proof

2006-09-08T08:22:00.000-05:00

Jakedog
Originally uploaded by edenza.

Here's a photo of Jake from last week. I thought it might be my last good photo of him (luckily and thankfully it wasn't). I just now got around to uploading it. Compare it with his body language in the Constant Vigilance photo I took a month previous and you can see just how bad he was. The Constant Vigilance post is what he's back to these days. I posted other photos from last week at Flickr.

Crikey -- Khaki Friday, mates

2006-09-07T22:40:00.001-05:00

I watched a Steve Irwin "Tonight Show" clip today. I did well with the giant snake, the tarantula, the crocodile... and then he pulled a teeney weeney boa of some kind out of his pocket and I squealed like a girl, covered my eyes, turned away and put my feet up on the chair. I'm tellin' you -- small snakes. I hate 'em.

So anyway...

Wear khaki on Friday if you dig/dug the Croc Hunter and/or donate a little something to your favorite environmental or conservation charity.

[Australian Radio Network] today announced it would hold Crikey It's Khaki Friday to honour Mr Irwin and to raise funds for his charity, Wildlife Warriors Worldwide.
A spokeswoman for the network said the day would commemorate the "great man" and help continue his environmental work.
She said the concept had received full support from Mr Irwin's management and charity officials.

Good on ya.

Katie Couric missed a real scoop (and TCHGN notes)

2006-09-07T09:50:00.000-05:00

'Low Life', the drama series that Eddie [Izzard] has been working on for the last eighteen months was given the green light yesterday. FX channel have commissioned thirteen episodes which will air in the US late 2007. Eddie is absolutely thrilled. "It's the part I have been waiting for all my life" says he.

That's from my Eddie Izzard updates e-mail. Take that, Tom Cruise. I watched the new CBS news on Tuesday night. I felt it was more like a newsmagazine, with specific sections -- even an editorial. I felt the stories were interesting, not too fluffy and well-presented. Moreover I was inordinately pleased at a woman solo-anchoring an evening news program. I wonder if Mel Gibson would call her "Sugar Tits." So let's get back to Tom Cruise The PR Robot. Within days of the non-public apology to Brooke Shields, little Suri shows up on the cover of Vanity Fair. Tom and Katie say they took no money for the first photos, unlike other celebrity couples. Well, I guess you win, Tommy. I mean, after the temper tantrum about no one paying him as-big bucks for the first photos, this was the best way to save face. Whoever is doing his career salvaging is fairly smart (and has her work cut out for her). And Annie Lebowitz... you can't beat her photos. The photo itself is gorgeous and that's a lovely little baby. On top of this, the FDA is putting some kind of warning label on Ritalin. He must be beside himself with glee. Also, have you noticed who's doing the talking in the quotes? Not Tom. Katie, dear, we all feel sorry for you and we have for a long, long time. Your Significant Other put you on display and apparently announced your pregnancy the moment it happened, since anyone with access to a pregnancy wheel could figure out. If you want to blame someone for the gossip that surrounded your pregnancy and your postpartum months, look at that guy jumping up and down on your sofa. Yes, I think Suri looks amazingly like Tom Cruise. I think she has his eyes. Then again we thought Z looked more like Hawk for over two years and now it turns out she's looking more like me. So you can never tell. Have you seen that Asian newspapers are speculating on her "Asian features?" Most newborn babies have the "Asian features" they're talking about. Mine did. Silliness. I'm still not 100% sold on the whole deal but I don't need to be. Not my kid, not my business (until Tom Cruise makes another public slam against mothers -- he makes himself my business then). He's still an asshat.

Story: The Crazy Census Lady

2006-09-05T08:23:00.004-05:00

It was a good,rainy college football weekend at Chez Piggyhawk, one blowout and one squeaker. I hate defensive games.

So after finding that Penn State link above, I started perusing at The Digital Collegian. Penn State students can't bring food or any beverage other than water into classrooms. My Shakespeare teacher had a can of Diet Pepsi every session. You never had to answer her questions. She'd ask a question, take a sip and then answer her own question. Most professors had coffee or tea with them at all times. I had Victorian Novel near the Creamery and many students showed up with ice cream (I ate my one Creamery ice cream cone while walking from Victorian Novel to Mythology and it made me sick). I have no idea how they intend to enforce this rule but in my experience they're going to have a tough time. At FSU it was more about water. People carried water everywhere (hotter climate, for one thing). The only thing more prolific than water was umbrellas (or fold-up ponchos like the one I still have).

So anyway...

I was once interviewed and quoted in the print Collegian but I never got to see the article. So I was looking at the archives and I found an article about the 1990 census. Which reminds me of a story I'm sure I've ever shared.

DM2 lived across the hall from me in the dorms at PSU Altoona. We had been hand-delivered census forms I don't know how long before. Since all of us were transient residents, no one who lived in the dorms paid the least bit of attention to the census forms.

We were going to pay.

One afternoon I was hanging out in DM2's room, probably watching but not touching his roommate's TV/VCR combo with the ubiquitous Phantom of the Opera hat on top (and everything his roommate had seemed damp and reeked of Tide all the time). You weren't allowed to touch anything of his roommate's.

So anyway...

There was a sudden banging on a door up the hallway, on the opposite side of the hall (you could tell -- oh and the halls smelled like Drakkar Noir). There was some yelling. It wasn't that unusual since that room belonged to some guys who had girls mad at them all the time. The banging stopped and then started on my door. DM2 went and looked out the peephole of the suite (two rooms with a common bathroom, you entered via a single door into the bath vanity area).

DM2: *fierce whisper* "It's the Census Lady!"

Me: "Who?"

DM2: "The Census Lady who dropped off the forms. She out here and she's pissed off."

I peeked out. Sure enough there was the Census Lady. She had thin, white-blond hair, pulled back in a severe little topknot. She was short and wide and wore a bright red suit. Her knuckles were white from banging on the door. She was demanding that I, my roommate and our two suitemates come out RIGHT NOW with our census forms, COMPLETED! OR ELSE!

Duhn duhn DUHN!

I was actually frozen in fear. DM2 started to laugh. What would become of me for ignoring the Mighty Census? Would I be carted off to prison? Would the Crazy Census Lady hold me down and demand I fill in the little circles? She continued down the hall.

Me: "Laugh now but she's coming back. And she's coming for you!"

And so she did. And it went a little something like this:

Door: *BANG BANG BANG BANG*

DM2 & Me: *jump*

DM2: *whisper* "She's he-ere!"

Census Lady: *yelling names* "You'd better get out here with those census forms RIGHT NOW!"

DM2 & Me: *giggle*

Census Lady: "I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!"

DM2 & Me: *alarmed pause*

DM2: "She's going to kill us! It's like a government-themed horror movie: Attack of the Crazy Census Lady"

Me: "I want to see."

I go to the door and peek through the peephole. The view is filled with her pinched red face. Her skin was as colorless as her hair but in her escalating fury it had turned as red as her suit. She was quite literally foaming at the mouth with little spit bubbles on her face and clothing. I remember her screeching about something. Then I heard the door open from someone leaving the stairwell and coming into the hallway. CCL turned her head and pointed. "You! Who are you?"

It was DM2's roommate. I reported the news. Well, it went like this:

Me: *running on tiptoe back into DM2's room, where he half-hid behind the door* (frantic whisper) It's Kirk! It's Kirk! He's going to let her in! Oh my god!"

DM2: "Oh my god! Oh my god! She's gonna kill us all! She knows we've been hiding! She's gonna kill us all!"

Me: "Well she'll kill you. I'm giving her a fake name!"

DM2: *grabs my arm* "Oh no you don't. I will take you with me. Ooh! Let's hide in the closet!"

Seeing as there was nothing but DM2's bed frame in the closet (he slept on a mattress on the floor), we hid in there and turned off the light. Just in time too, as Kirk opened the door and let in Crazy Census Lady. We literally huddled in the dark, in the closet, watching them make shadows under the door.

Kirk: "He's usually here. I don't have my form."

CCL: WHY NOT?

Kirk: "I sent it back in the envelope it came with."

*long pause*

DM2: (barely audible) "She's killed him. *pause* Now I'm going to have to clean that up."

Me: (barely audible) "After this, you want to go to Slep [the student union] for chicken sandwiches?"

DM2: (barely audible) "Yeah, all right. I'll need more napkins anyway."

CCL: "No one told me I didn't have to pick them up! No one told me you kids would be sending them back." *stomp stomp* *slam door* *slam door*

Kirk: "You can come out now."

Of course DM2 made a grand gesture about coming out of the closet (not the first or last time either). Then Kirk asked what we were doing in the closet; he was the jealous type.

DM2: "Didn't you see her? She was crazy. She was banging on everyone's doors and making threats... she was gonna kill us!"

Kirk: *sigh* *gather up laundry*

DM2: "Scoff if you will but she was unhinged."

I think we ended up writing some kind of skit about Crazy Census Lady. We had a lot of little skits we'd written. We had a poem about people with a chapel in the back of an 18-wheeler going from truck stop to truck stop "a-blessin' and baptizin'." Their names were Ferd and Beulah Bluegrass. Someone had photocopied an article out of the Weekly World News for me and this was a little sidebar on the same page. The real names were Blonny and Bunny Gregory but that didn't fit into the poem/song. It became a song b/c we wrote it Emily Dickinson style and you can sing all of her poems to "Yellow Rose of Texas." We had another skit between Mary Queen of Scots and Elizabeth I ("You and what arrrmy?" "The British Army, you twit!")

College was fun.

ETA: I finally found the article where I was quoted and this is what I said: ""As long as I live in State College, I don't really care where I live."

*SCREAM*

Oh once Hawk reads that I will never live it down. However, I share it here b/c I learned my lesson after actually living in State College for nine months. At least I'm getting a book out of the experience, once I get back to writing it.

Photo essay: The Bumblefuck County Fair

2006-09-04T20:27:00.000-05:00

Well, we did what all good Bumblefuckians do and we spent Labor Day at the county fair. We got green hand stamps: We saw lots of livestock: We rode some rides: We had some food: We played some games: We supported the 4H: We got tattoos and piercings: We went back out to the parking lot: Zoe crashed: And Holden drove home: And now for The Mouse Game: I saw the little game like a roulette wheel where you pick a color, put down a quarter and take a chance on winning. So I got Z out of her umbrella stroller, despite her serious case of the grumps, and we picked a color: purple. So we waited for the carnie woman (in photo, blonde between us in pink shirt) to get out the ball, put it in the middle, spin the wheel and see where it goes. Imagine my surprise when she dumps a reluctant black mouse onto the center of the circle. The mouse sat on its haunches in the middle with its arms out, as if to say "whoa dude! everybody just chill out!" The wheel kept spinning. I was dumbstruck, half in disgusted awe and half in complete amusement. I mean who would think that in 2006 you could go to a county fair and find a roulette game involving a live mouse! When the photo above was taken, we still had no idea it would be a mouse and not a ball on the wheel. So the wheel is slowing and the mouse is thinking "Oh shit, I'd better hide." There are holes at the end of the colors, toward the edge of the wheel. So then everyone starts rooting for their colors. "Come on Blue! Rainbow! Tiger!" I wonder if the mouse has a name. So I said, "Go to the Purple! Don't go Pink! Not Pink!" and I'm laughing and sick at myself for enjoying the spectacle. Well it wasn't pink; it was maroon. A little girl near us had picked it and she was very excited to win a plush flower. We did not place another bet. It was my last quarter.

FYI: TV season starting

2006-09-04T12:16:00.000-05:00

Okay, okay, I feel lost w/o fresh "Deadwood" and I don't know when the movies to sum up will be released (which SUCKS instead of having more full seasons) but on the bright side, the season premiere of "House" is on tomorrow (set your VCRs and TiVos). I'm so so glad that they put it on after "AI" last season b/c I successfully got Hawk hooked on it. I knew he'd love "House" but he's resistant to All Things Fox. Have I mentioned that one of our two local PBS channels (only having their first pledge drive since we moved and at the same time as normal PBS stations do) shows "Jeeves & Wooster" on the weekends? They also show Monty Python eps every Saturday night. I mean, I have the full box set but still. This weekend it was "The Royal Philharmonic Orchstra Goes To The Bathroom" (I think that's the title) with the "Interesting People" skit ("I'm more interesting than a wet pussycat!"). Ah, good times, good times. Well we're off the Bumblefuck County Fair today. I've got a pig in competition and I am gonna win that blue ribbon.

Steve Irwin killed by a stingray

2006-09-04T09:05:00.000-05:00

My Steve Irwin impersonation goes like this: "'Ere's the wuhld's most deengerous snayke. *pause* Oi'm gonna powke it with a stick." The Crocodile Hunter was killed by (of all things) a stingray while he was shooting a documentary off the Great Barrier Reef. He was stabbed in the heart. ETA: Here's a nicely in-depth obituary, including plans for a memorial garden and The Crikey Fund.

The Incredible Rubber Dog

2006-09-03T21:39:00.000-05:00

If I hadn't seen him and experienced him last week, I would not believe the story. Hawk & I both though Jake would not last until his vet's appointment on Friday. I sincerely believed he would come home alone or at least with an appointment booked for euthanization. Jake hadn't eaten in days. He was dejected, dragging, his ears back and his tail between his legs, breathing shallowly, keeping to himself, barely urinating (and when he did it was the most concentrated I'd ever seen) and his poop was practically water and orange-red. I really, truly believed we were losing out boy within days. His weight had dropped under 100 lbs; a few months ago he was a litle less than 130 lbs (remember: lab/dane mix = big boy). Then we gave him some medicine Friday evening, crushed up in baby food: ham, turkey, chicken. The medicines are one that coats his stomach so he can tolerate food and a steroid meant to shrink the growth in his neck. By Friday it was the size of a goose egg and hard. Today I wasn't sure the lump was the same lump. Surely it couldn't have shrunk and softened in two days. Hawk also examined him. His lumps are still there but they are significantly smaller. You can't see it just by looking. The more important part is that he hasn't thrown up since Saturday morning (or maybe Friday night -- not sure). He's back to eating not just solid food but dog food and Milkbones (we have decided his low-Milkbone diet is over and we're back to spoiling him). Not only is he eating food, he's asking for food. The lemon-lime cookies I left out on the counter are driving him mad. Last night he pestered me to make supper. Tonight he had pepperoni off our pizza (and the last time we had pizza he wouldn't even smell the pepperoni). He's even back to trying to swipe food out of Zoe's hands. On top of that, he's social again. He wanted to be around us last week but I did notice he didn't want to be around H so much. Now he's back to laying beside his piano and chasing Zoe around the house. We went out to a barbecue today and when we returned, he bounded out to greet us, jumping up and sniffing and barking. I don't know if it was all the medicine, if he had a virus that passed or the power of the thoughts and hopes that went out to him but it's like we have our old Jakey back. We're not so terribly optimistic that we believe his lumps aren't canerous after all but he is well enough now that we could do a fine needle biopsy and be sure. The diagnosis on Friday was to bring him home, try to feed him and let him slip away in peace with his family. Now we have to keep him from licking Z's lollipops and listen to his grunting about wanting a treat left out on the kitchen counter. And that grunting is the sweetest sound in the world. BTW: I took lots of photos last week, thinking it might be my last chance to have photos of Jake w/ the kids. I will post them and some "today" photos when I can get some, just to show you the difference. I will also continue to keep everyone updated on how he's doing. The important thing is that tonight he's happy, his tummy is full and he's sniffing and licking his babies. Oh and he also thinks he's allowed on the new white chaise. ;)

TCHGN alert: supposedly, Brooke Shields says he apologized

2006-09-02T17:52:00.000-05:00

Tom Cruise has apologised to Brooke Shields for attacking her use of anti-depressant drugs. Shields told Jay Leno's Tonight Show that Cruise had called round her house to mend the rift - caused by his accusation that the actress had falied to understand psychiatry. He made the comments in 2005 after the 41-year-old actress admitted to taking medication for post natal depression. A follower of Scientology, which opposes drug treatment for mental health problems, Cruise had labelled psychiatric medicine "psuedo science". At the time Brooke described his remarks as a "disservice to mothers everywhere."

Given the amount of editing I had to do to that blurb, I don't know that this is a reliable source. I'll believe it when I hear his apology in public, the same way he made his original statements. ETA: I found a report at just about the most reliable source: the BBC.

Cruise makes apology to Shields Tom Cruise apologised to actress Brooke Shields for attacking her use of anti-depressant drugs, she has told a US television chat show. "He came over to my house and gave me a heartfelt apology," the 41-year-old told Jay Leno's Tonight Show. Cruise accused Shields of failing to understand psychiatry in 2005 after she disclosed taking medication to treat post-natal depression. A spokesman for Cruise said his friendship with Shields was "mended". "He has not changed his position about anti-depressants," said Arnold Robinson, adding the actor still considers the drugs to be "unhealthy". Shields, who recently appeared in the London and New York productions of Chicago, said: "I was so impressed with how heartfelt he was. "I did not feel that he was trying to convince me of anything other than the fact that he was deeply sorry. And I accepted it." In June 2005, Cruise spoke of his opposition to psychiatric medicine, calling it a "pseudo science". He is a follower of Scientology which is against the use of drugs to treat mental health problems. After his attack on Shields, the actress denounced the remarks as a "ridiculous rant" and a "disservice to mothers everywhere". She suffered from post-natal depression after the birth of her first daughter in 2003 and wrote a book about her experiences called Down Came The Rain: My Journey Through Post-Partum Depression.

Well I still say he should have made his apology publicly, same as his original attack. He should also publicly apologize to the everyone he insulted with his rambling nutcase-ity, like other women who used medication to pull through postpartum depression. Sounds like someone's career is suffering, don't you think? Or maybe, if the whole Suri thing is true, he's come to find that postpartum depression is very real and cannot be fixed with vitamins. He's still an asshat.

Houston. we have Milkbone acceptance

2006-09-02T12:22:00.000-05:00

We pulverized Jake's medicines and put them in pureed meat (i.e.: baby food) and he's back to eating. He was sick last night after the first bout of medication but since then he's accepted more baby food (vigorously), apple slices, cookies and, yes, Milkbones. The cookie thing... I finally used my new mixer for the first time last night. You can tell I need to think about something or destress if I'm baking and so I did. I made the most excellent lemon-lime cookies & I'll make more today. So I'm baking & Jake wanders in and gives me the ol' "what're we having?" eyes. He'd only had that little bit of baby food w/ medicine in it so I didn't think he really wanted anything. So I baked the cookies, made the frosting, etc. and when I sit down w/ one to try them, there he is. So I broke off a tiny bit to see if he'd eat it. He did. Then he gave me the "is that all you stingy bitch?" look so we ended up practically splitting the cookie. Then this morning he was all about "did you know there are cookies on the counter?" So we split one of the unfrosted ones. This time I gave him bigger bites. Then he had his stomach-coating medication in H's leftover applesauce. Then we all came in to watch TV, play, etc. and Jake laid down beside H. Then Z came in from the kitchen bearing a box of Milkbones. She says, "Jake wants a treat." I said, "Oh honey, I don't think Jake wants a treat. He doesn't feel good." Did that stop Z? Of course not. She set out several different colored Milkbones and Jake ate them all. Apparently Jake does want Milkbones. Then she decided she was "all done" with her apple slices... and he ate one of those! Not only that, he's kind of been asking me for food but I'm waiting until his stomach-settling med has kicked in. Then he can have some baby food meat w/ his medicine in it. He's perkier and more social today. His nose is cold but dry. His body language is improved; he's not holding his head down anymore and his ears are up. So he continues to surprise us. Of course we're realistic that Jake is very sick but the idea that he's having a better day and that he can have more better days is a joyous one. Thanks again for your comments & e-mails. I'm going to allow anonymous comments for a while so those of you having problems w/ that may comment. Please sign your comment if you comment anonymously. You know how I feel about those creatures that dwell beneath bridges.

Quick update on Jakey: updated

2006-09-01T09:22:00.000-05:00

Thanks everyone for your comments and e-mails about Jakedog. We are attempting to spoil him but he's refused to eat for several days. In a very special episode of "House," Hawk has decided that the original diagnosis is not the correct diagnosis. Something doesn't sit well with the suddenness of certain symptoms. Yes, Jake has had the egg-sized lump in his neck for over a month but he was perky and eating on Monday, sullen and not eating on Tuesday. The last Milkbones he had were the ones I said I was off to give him after writing the post. He's refused everything from Cheerios to cheese. He attempted to lick a piece of pepperoni last night and thought better of it. He did lick some sauce off my finger. The most significant food he's eaten since Monday has been an ounce of applesauce (Holden suggested it, as it was his applesauce). He's licked out some baby food containers but when given a whole container, he only ate half of it. It's applesauce, granted, but if you haven't eaten in days, applesauce can be good. So Hawk/House has decided that there could be some kind of blockage in his stomach. He was awfully fond of the garbage burning area in back (ah, the country!) and it's possible, for example, that he found some meat we'd thrown out in a Styrofoam container and tried to eat it Styrofoam and all. Or aluminum foil or plastic wrap. I tried to shoo him away from there but he headed right for it and would give me the innocent "who me?" expression when I'd yell "get outta there, dawg." The solution is this: Hawk/House is taking Jakedog for his appointment the vet this afternoon. If the vet suggests exploratory surgery, House has already decided he's going to say, "Yes do it now and biopsy the lump on his neck too." House thinks that the vet will do an x-ray first and it could show a blockage (esp if it is something like aluminum foil) and if we can get that blockage out, Jakedog might be back to his "what's that sound? a wrapper? is there food?" self. I'll let you know later how it's going. ============================= Hawk & Jake just came back from the vet's. The vet says he's 99% sure it's lymphosarcoma (cancer) based on his symptoms and behavior. He said a fine needle biopsy would most like be inconclusive, as would sending off a sample from the enlarged node in his neck. Right now Hawk is trying to give him (Jake, not the vet) a pill. It's quite funny (if you've ever tried to give an animal a pill, you know). Hawk is "not ready to let [him] go yet." I think Jake is saying, "I want to go." He's not eating, he won't take the pill, etc. If there was ever a spoiled dog in this world, it's Jakedog. If Hawk thinks he's going to decide for him, Jake's going to set him straight :) He just needs to make sure there's someone competent to continue his Constant Vigilance campaign first.

Halloweening

2006-08-31T13:07:00.000-05:00

It might not even be September yet but I'm already thinking Halloween. So I was looking at costumes online today at the site where I found my Alice In Wonderland costume (still love it & plan to wear it again some year) and I found several I like. Many aren't in stock yet. I asked to get a notification when the Fiona costume is in, since that's what I'd really like to do. Then I saw this: Popeye Olive Oyl Plus Adult. A plus size Olive Oyl costume. Does that strike anyone else as bizarre and a little bit inappropriate? Plus-size Fiona, naturally. Plus size Olive Oyl? Not so much.

Julie is my heroine

2006-08-31T09:41:00.000-05:00

Julie of Mommy & The Sparkettes posted her weight loss today -- she hit 25 lbs already! At the beginning of the month, she had lost 13 lbs so she lost half of that just in the last month! She's doing Weight Watchers on her own and exercising. So please drop in and congratulate her. If she gets down to a size 18, she gets to go on a cruise! So anyway... We had a treadmill in the pre-Z days. I used it a fair amount but once we got Jakedog, he decided it didn't fit in with his Constant Vigilance Campaign and he had to bark at it and jump at me when I was on it. So when we moved to Colorado, we sold it. Now that we're more settled in here, we're planning to get a recumbent bike or a treadmill. The ones today are probably much quieter (and we can afford a better one) and we have a nice space for it (downstairs, in the playroom). The concern is: which would be safer to have around the younglings? I think they'd be more likely to get hurt if they played on a treadmill yet they'd be more attracted to the bike. Personally I like freeweights and have always been good with them. But that takes up a lot of space and I'd like to do something more cardiovascular. I told Julie that my eventual weight loss goal is to be able to wear the size 16 at Ann Taylor. I can do it too. My first weight loss goal however is to fit into my pre-pregnancy clothing. I have a pair of pink jeans I just love and I've barely gotten to wear them. I still have Baby Belly from Holden (which is fine) and so I'm limited in the pants I can wear. Maternity pants fall off and pre-pregnancy pants don't want to zip. So we're working on it. That brownie sundae in lieu of dinner last night probably didn't help (even with the sugar-free fudge and the low-fat brownie) but I did get rice instead of fries at lunch.

Bush Urges Nation To Be Quiet For A Minute While He Tries To Think

2006-08-30T12:25:00.000-05:00

The most humorous part about this is the idea that Bush would address the nation. Remember in the old days when Presidents used to do that? Ha ha ha.

WASHINGTON, DC�In a nationally televised address Monday, President Bush urged all citizens, regardless of race, creed, color, or political affiliation, "to quiet down for just one minute" so he could have "a chance to think." "Every American has an inalienable right to free speech and self-expression," Bush said. "Nonetheless, I call upon the American people to hold off on it for, say, 60 seconds. Just long enough for me to get this all sorted out in my head." "Please," Bush added. While the president said achieving a unilateral peace and quiet "would not be easy," he hoped that citizens would respect his wish and work toward a temporary cease-talk so that he could can hear his own thoughts "for once." "Make no mistake: It will take patience and sacrifice," Bush said. "But such drastic measures could lead to a better tomorrow for all of us, especially for your commander in chief." Bush then closed his speech by exhaling sharply, tightly closing his eyes, and massaging his temples. "I just�Christ, I just need a goddamn minute, you know?" he said. The presidential call for national silence came as little surprise following weeks of rumors from White House sources that Bush appeared increasingly distracted and wearied by the ever-pervasive noise. Excerpts from an unedited videotaped meeting made public last Thursday revealed a frustrated Bush rhetorically asking Turkish Prime Minister Recep Erdogan how "the leader of the free world was supposed to get any work done around here with all this volume." Assuring the public it "can make as much noise as [it] wants" as soon as the Bush-proposed national minute of silence concludes, Chief Of Staff Josh Bolten said that the White House was making "every effort" to accommodate Bush's wishes. "Currently, the president's calls are being bounced back to the West Wing call center, and all televisions and radios on White House property have been switched off," said Bolten, who added that staffers moved Bush family dog Barney from the Oval Office after Bush called the Scottish terrier's heavy panting "intolerable." Several world leaders, including British Prime Minister Tony Blair and Chinese President Hu Jintao, reacted to Bush's speech by openly wondering if Bush's request pertained to them. "I think he meant everyone, allies or not," Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said. "So, please, whether you are the prime minister of India or the German chancellor, try to tone it down. Also, if you are an Iraqi insurgent, a leader of Hezbollah, a member of al-Qaeda, or a general enemy of the U.S., hush." Bush's plea was backed by leading Republicans, who urged their constituents to comply with the president's request to "be quiet for seriously, like, two seconds." "In these trying times for our president, we must show respect for his office, even if it means turning our car radios down, shushing our children, and turning off all fans," Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA) said. "Heck, the man just needs one measly minute." Capitol Hill Democrats, however, have criticized Bush's call for silence, with House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) calling it "yet another example of Bush's inability to connect with everyday Americans, many of whom rarely, if ever, receive a moment to themselves." "Where's their moment to think?" Pelosi said. While Bush deemed the attempts at quiet "helpful and encouraging," he called for "literally one more second" of complete silence, saying he was "very close to getting it together and almost had it" before being interrupted by the sound of a car alarm moments ago.

Warren Jeffs arrested

2006-08-29T10:23:00.000-05:00

What I like most about this story, beyond the fact that this nutcase is in custody, is how he got caught:

Warren Steed Jeffs, 50, was taken into custody after he and two other people were pulled over late Monday by a Nevada Highway Patrol trooper on Interstate 15 just north of Las Vegas, FBI spokesman David Staretz said. The leader of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was wanted in Utah and Arizona on suspicion of sexual misconduct for allegedly arranging marriages between underage girls and older men.

I love imagining how it was for the trooper who pulled them over. "I have a ten-most-wanted fuguitve bastard right here. Caught!" Oh sweet that must have been.

Harry Potter icons

2006-08-29T08:51:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Fredlet, who sent me this link. I had trouble picking just one but I think this was appropos:

The Jakiest Jakedog that ever Jaked a Jake

2006-08-28T09:26:00.000-05:00

As you might remember, Jake lived briefly with Jed while we were trying to show our house in Erie. He went to live w/ Jed when we came to look at houses and began living with us again after we got moved in. Not long before he was temporarily not with us, his behavior started to change. All he cared about was food. No petting, no snuggling, no playing -- not if there was food to be had. If it didn't involve food, he didn't care. Moreover, he began taking food away from Zoe, taking pretzel sticks or pieces of cheese right out of her hand or her mouth. Granted, she's just the right height for that and sometimes used food as bait to get his attention. I was uncomfortable with him taking the food when combined with his new obsession with food. I was afraid he might try anything to get the food. Our friends S&S have Georgedog, who's about a year older than Jake, and they said George has been doing the same in his advancing years. When Jake came back with us in late July, that behavior was fairly well curbed. Jed also bragged about the weight that Jake had lost while living with him. I didn't think it was terribly significant as Jake is a big boy anyway and a few pounds were not going to make a huge difference. Jake wasn't home a day before Hawk was scratching him and found a lump on the left side of his neck near his collar. He didn't feel any others but it was about the size of an egg. In my opinion, you'd have to be pretty inattentive to the dog not to notice a huge lump in the spot where he likes to be petted and scratched most. Even in his food frenzy, he still liked his scratches. Hawk took Jake to the local vet, who said that it could be any number of things. Easiest to treat would be a blocked salivary gland so Jake went on a course of antibiotics, etc. His lump is still there and I think it's bigger and harder than it was a month ago. Then I found lumps on his back, while petting him, and Hawk gave him a mini-exam last night and he thinks he found a lump in his groin. He's been coughing lately and eating grass and has thrown up small amounts in the last few days (mostly grass). Otherwise he's acting fine: social, energetic, wanting scratches, licking, mostly laying around and barking at the Bastard In The Brown Truck. So I called the vet back this morning and had to deal with a rude and ignorant receptionist. She answers the phone with something I can't decipher but is not the name of the vet's office. I tell her I need to bring the dog back in. She says, "Why do you need to bring him back? He was just here." Seriously. I tell her he's not better and that's why he needs to come back. Does she think we want to bring him in just to see her? So I tell her the only time my husband can come in on Wednesday afternoon. Her: "I have an opening tomorrow at 2." Me: "My husband is working. He can't bring him in tomorrow. Do you have anything Wednesday?" Her: *forced audible sigh* "I don't have anything Wednesday. We're all booked up. We're very busy." Me: "Well should I make an appointment for another time and hope for a cancellation?" Her: "I guess we might get a cancellation but we're very busy." This is the West Bumblefuck veterinarian. This is not, say, the only vet in Pittsburgh or something. She answered the phone after the first ring so she can't be that busy. I have a feeling she's a person who, if asked to answer a phone call while sipping a cup of coffee, calls it "multi-tasking" and is "too busy." Me: "Well how about Thursday afternoon then?" Her: "We're not open on Thursdays." Me: "Well how about Friday afternoon?" Now I'm snippy. I'm usually pretty polite (just ask Tam) but she pissed me off. Her: "I have one Friday at 10:45." Me: "Afternoon!" Her: "*SIGH* 2:45 then." Me: "Fine." I think she said, "We'll see you on Friday." She was back in mumble mode. I just said "Fine" and hung up on her. If someone is bringing a family pet back in for a check-up due to lumps popping up all over his body, you'd think she could at least speak clearly and be somewhat polite if she can't be sympathetic and professional. So anyway... We have a feeling the vet is going to tell us what we already suspect: that Jake has cancer that's spreading. We've decided that we'll let him go as long as he has quality of life. He seems happy and fine right now and not in any pain. I realize that if he starts feeling pain, he probably won't want to be touched or played with, which could equal danger for the kids or for us. Given the rate that this has advanced in the last month, I don't think Jakey will be with us through the autumn. Also, logistically, Jake is a big boy. If he passes away here at home, I don't know what we would do with him. I think the responsible thing is to choose when to say goodbye to him, take him to be euthanized and bring his ashes home. My mother, Flora, has a history of getting rid of pets when they inconvenience her. Not so long ago (like over the winter) I was on the phone with her and I said, "Oh I've about had it with this dog." Her response was, "Are you putting him to sleep then?" For pestering me for a Milkbone. So I'm resistant to putting him down "just because," even though I know that he's ill and it isn't b/c of my whim or something. I got Jake at the shelter in July 2000. He was approximately 10 months old. I went in for a medium sized dog, maybe a border collie or similar. I came home with a lab/dane mix who already weighed 65 lbs. At his biggest, he was around 120 lbs. Needless to say, he's off his diet and getting as many Milkbones as he wants now. In fact, I think I'll go give him some right now. Scratch your pets for us. :)

Reading carefully

2006-08-26T12:59:00.000-05:00

I've just about had it w/ people who skim pieces of writing and walk off taking something completely different from the piece than what is actually there. It happens in blogs all the time. Someone reads into a blog entry or superimposes their own perceptions onto an entry and then they go off about something that has nothing to do with what was actually said. Now it's happening with this silly piece at People. I do not read People, either online or in a doctor's office. I'd sooner read Runner's World or Golf Digest (seeing as People, in my experience, relys on photos, not text anyway). However, people are talking about it and I saw the link and so here we are. People seem to think Tom Cruise is sorry he bashed Brooke Shields. Tom Cruise is not sorry he bashed Brooke Shields. He might be sorry he's been labeled a nutcase, he might be sorry he's losing money and he might be sorry his reputation and image have been irrevocably damaged. But he has not apologized.

Tom Cruise probably "feels bad" that his criticism of Brooke Shields last summer for her use of antidepressants was taken as a personal attack, a colleague of the actor says. But Kathleen Kennedy, who produced Cruise's War of the Worlds with Steven Spielberg, tells CNN's Showbiz Tonight that she has no first-hand knowledge of the actor's true feelings, as recently reported in New York Daily News. Meanwhile, a rep for Cruise, Arnold Robinson, tells Showbiz that the reports following Cruise's statements last year "were misrepresentations of what he actually said."

Well any of us who saw him reiterate it on "Today" when he got defensive w/ Matt Lauer know otherwise. I missed the part where he's apologizing. This is about some person speculating that he could possibly have some regret. Meh. ETA: I just fired off a letter to EW about their story that the rumors began flying after M:I:3 that Paramount might dump Cruise. Hell, I was blogging that last June. Again... not. paying. attention.

Kind of a big deal

2006-08-26T12:49:00.000-05:00

I�ve decided to move �So anyway�� to Wordpress. I haven�t decided yet whether I want to get the pay version so I can change my template. If all goes well, I may get archives & all moved by my five year blogiversary in November. As it is, I have a lot of work ahead of me. As you can see, I've been working on moving the archives since March. Not the entire archive. Just the posts I feel are the best. New entries will stay right here until further notice, probably through Halloween or so. I will cross-post entries (when possible) so if you want to go ahead and change your feed URL, feel free. There's feed info in the left hand column at the new site. You'll get plenty of notice, as some Erie Bloggers asked me before I left, as to when to start checking at the new site instead. I may also do a main page redirect. I haven't decided yet.

For your snarking pleasure

2006-08-25T23:28:00.000-05:00

Snarkywood did Sam Jackson. As I commented: Best. Snark. EVER! Note: Contains images of snakes (but also contains image of Ewan McGregor, which cancels out all snake photos).

Quick link

2006-08-25T09:14:00.000-05:00

This is fucking funny. I really, really hope that someday she adds to the list.

Come here my pretties

2006-08-25T07:32:00.000-05:00

I had to alter my original title of "A house crushed my sister" b/c I'm getting an inordinate number of hits off Erie Blogs to this post. FYI: I don't have a sister. So I went to the craft store last night for yarn and other things. I had a 40% off coupon and the most expensive thing I got was $10 (which therefore became $6). Z slept in the car while Hawk listened to music. H went in with me and had fun, especially watching an electronic bat. Ah yes, the mums are out for sale and the aisles are turning orange and black. This means I can get ready to defend Halloween and point out, repeatedly, that real-life witches have no desire to take Halloween away from little children. We do however decorate our houses with gingerbread and peppermint so as to lure them in and pop them in the oven. Frankly, I find roast child is a little common and a lot of work (and it's hard to find a roasting pan that big). Besides, you can just go out and tear a shingle off the roof when you're feeling peckish. Since we're in the new house, I haven't decided yet how best to lure plump, Teutonic children to my door. I could try a trail of M&Ms but I think the wildlife might scoop those up. I'm thinking the best solution will be a layer of Fruit Roll-Ups like a red carpet up to the porch. Once they see my gumdrop lamps, pound cake bricks and fudge sauce mortar, I've got them. Then what to do with them? Cooking is kind of passe, especially for the modern witch. I think this year I'll do what the uninformed expect me to do: I'll convert them to witchcraft and attempt to destroy capitalism (lesbianism, someone else will have to take care of). All joking aside, it is fun to see the Halloween break out earlier every year. It's only August and Hallmark, Target, AC Moore, etc. already have their Halloween stock out. The good costumes are starting to sell out. I'm trying to decide what Z will be so I can get it in time. I'm 99.44% sure that H will be Superman. I think Z would like to be either an Incredible (she loves Dash), Princess Fiona or Hermione Granger. I think she's a little bit little to pull of Hermione but Princess Fiona is a possibility. I had originally hoped to be Fee but can you believe there's no plus-size costume for her? I mean, Princess Fiona! She's a plus-sized gal! She's not going to fit in a "one size fits all between a size 6 and 12" dress so why not make a costume that she could wear? I love thinking about Halloween and I feel like blogging it a lot this year so put on your pointy hats and neck bolts -- it's August!

Black specks

2006-08-24T13:05:00.000-05:00

So I'm making my famous American Idol Mac & Cheese for lunch and I grind a little pepper into the sauce and I remember this story from many moons ago. As I've mentioned before, my mother is not much of a cook. In fact, my father has done all of the cooking since she, in one of her "turns" declared "I'm DONE cooking" and my dad did it all. Because she learned to cook from my grandmother (whose specialties included chicken cacciatore and steak & kidney pie), she was very into the bland and the tasteless. She blamed my brother Hotshot for her never even using salt in a recipe. She said it aggravated his asthma. He hadn't lived at him since I was a toddler. Moreover, Hotshot seasons his foods (esp steaks) so much that you can taste it before it's even on your plate. So basically I grew up eating the most flavorless, bland crap possible. This could be why I so enjoy Scottish cuisine and why I put ketchup on everything until I was about 20 years old. We visited Pennsylvania in the summer of 1979. I had never been anywhere north of Thomasville, Georgia at the time so everything was delightfully strange and foreign. The air was so cool and light! There were practically no ants! The ground is so undulated! Well I didn't think "undulated" as I was only 7 years old. We stayed with my "Aunt Lois," who was my mother's BFF forever in high school and up until circa 1985 (long story which basically involves Flora being batshit crazy). Aunt Lois makes a lovely dinner. I don't even remember what all it was but it involved mashed potatoes. I took one bite and then ate all of the potatoes. "She doesn't like my mashed potatoes," Flora sneered. Naturally I asked for more and I got it from Aunt Lois. They tasted so buttery, so potatoey and it had little black specks in it. It was pure heaven on a spoon. So we went home and my mother was making mashed potatoes one night. I asked, "Can we have potatoes like Aunt Lois makes?" Flora said, "How do you mean?" I said, "With the black specks in it." So she called Aunt Lois, who gave her a "recipe" over the phone. Basically she made mashed potatoes like a normal person, with butter and milk and the delightful little black specks. I found out later what that mystery ingredient was: pepper. Not long after that my father (who was a grocery store manager) brought home some "fancy" ice cream: Breyers. It was vanilla. It had little black specks in it. Could it be pepper? It was the most wonderful ice cream I'd ever had, other than at a 31 Flavors. Turns out it was not pepper but vanilla bean. To this day, I do enjoy the Breyers vanilla with the black specks. So as I ground a wee bit of pepper into my cheese sauce, I wondered what culinary delights Z & H will encounter as they grow up. Perhaps my dad will make his famous Salisbury steak. It's meatloaf but you aren't allowed to call it that. You may, however, put ketchup on it.

Breaking news

2006-08-24T08:40:00.000-05:00

Pluto no longer defined as a planet, leading astronomers say. FDA OKs non-prescription morning-after pill. ETA: Most every blogger I read is ecstatic about headline #2 there. Probably b/c people who feel differently are generally not writing blogs I read. After checking out Emma's post today (and commenting), I dropped in on a blog I know of but do not regularly read (mostly b/c of the poor writing and the lack of anything very interesting happening in it) that I suspected might be the one Emma wrote about. Sure enough, there's an post stating that it's a "travesty" that this medication can be sold over the counter. I laugh every time I hear "abstinence education," since it's rarely used with any other alternatives ("abstinence-only" is usually the term being avoided). People are going to have sex. It's a fact. It's a natural fact no less. This pill isn't a tool to aid promiscuity. It's a tool to keep an egg from implanting and resulting in a pregnancy. Period. It's not just for teenagers either. Why is it always turned around to be about what's best for The Children? What about what's best for your friend or your sister or yourself -- grown women who simply don't want to bear a child, no matter the circumstance under which they might become pregnant? If I can buy condoms over the counter, surely I should be able to buy the Morning After pill. I hope that this is still an option for my daughter if the need ever arises. I think the real right-wing outrage is that the holier-than-thou pharmacists and other proselytizing health care professionals have been thwarted. Now you only have to go through Lurlene, the cotton-candy-coiffed checkout gal to get your pill. To whom should a woman answer for her use of the MAP if not her pharmacist? You know what worked in the 1980s as abstinence education? Horror movies. You know that the kids who snuck off to screw while the Mad Killer was on the loose were going to die. I know it kept a fair number of people from shagging not out of fear of AIDS or of pregnancy but of Freddie Kruger. Bring back the slasher pic and we won't need this pesky MAP at all. I don't have anything to say about Pluto. It's too controversial.

Joey, have you ever been to a Turkish prison?

2006-08-23T13:30:00.000-05:00

So we're over at Jed's for "cake and ice cream" for Char's birthday b/c Scooter & Char never do anything at their own house. Thing 2 is stunned when we ask him if he's ever read a Harry Potter book. He answers it with a "what are you? stupid?" tone. We said that HP would be good for his reading level... at least what it should be if he read. Then he said he doesn't read books like that. So Hawk asked him, "What's the last book you did read?" *much dramatic thought a la rolling of eyes, biting of lip, etc.* I said, "He doesn't read," pointing out the elephant in the room. Thing 2 gets very defensive. "I read!" I say, "What do you read?" "Books." "Books like... ?" *no answer* I say, in full mother and English major mode, "Maybe you should spend less time playing on the computer and more time reading." "I read on the computer." I say, "Oh do you now?" He says, "Yes." I say, "Well what are your favorite websites?" He goes on an enthusiastic rave about animal websites. Sites where he can learn about animals, supposedly. What he ends up saying is that he reads the sites for shows on Animal Planet (and plays games there, etc.) and "other sites with animal stuff on them. Like statues and stuff." Me: "So you're not learning about animals. You're shopping." Char: *indignant gasp, as though how dare I call that digging tool a spade* Thing 2: "I'm not shopping. I'm not allowed to buy anything online." Me: "Shopping and buying are not the same thing. You're shopping, not learning about animals. It's okay to say 'I'm shopping' if that's what's true." He totally had no idea what I was saying. So then Hawk & I started talking about books Thing 2 might like. I hit upon the idea of the Eyewitness Books. To Hawk, I say, "They have all kinds of titles on animals. I think they have separate ones for reptiles, mammals, etc." Thing 2, whose countenance and body language deflated when Hawk & I originally discussed how Thing 2 needs more real books, suddenly perked up. Then Hawk started this conversation: Hawk: "You like reptiles, right?" Thing 2: *enthusiastic nod* Hawk: "You like Vikings? Soccer? Sharks?" Thing 2: "I like all that stuff." Hawk: "You like Gladiator movies?" Thing 2: *confused* "Sure." Me: "You ever seen a grown man naked?" Hawk: *buries his head in his hands laughing* Everyone else: *stunned silence* You know I'm inappropriate but at least this was a legitimate thing to say. I say to Thing 2, who is wide-eyed and struggling for the right answer, "It's a line from a movie." Then to Hawk, I add," You know he might like Airplane. He's just the age for that humor." Hawk agrees. So apparently we'll be getting Thing 2 a spate of Eyewitness Books and a DVD of Airplane! to celebrate the birth of Christ.

TCHGN: Paramount kicks Tom to the curb

2006-08-23T10:21:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Mudge for this one.

Sumner Redstone, whose company owns Paramount Pictures, said the studio would sever its 14-year relationship with Cruise�s film production company because �his recent conduct has not been acceptable to Paramount.� Redstone estimated that Cruise�s off-screen behavior cost his latest movie, �Mission: Impossible III,� $100 million to $150 million in ticket sales, even as he praised the film as �the best of the three movies� in the action series. �It�s nothing to do with his acting ability, he�s a terrific actor,� Redstone said. �But we don�t think that someone who effectuates creative suicide and costs the company revenue should be on the lot.�

I just can't get enough of the Tom Cruise snark.

Fun @ Flickr

2006-08-23T10:04:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Jen, I just spent entirely too much time checking out this superfly photo set at Flickr. BTW: He's A Mike Love, not THE Mike Love.

Deadwood (spoilers from Sunday's ep)

2006-08-22T12:18:00.000-05:00

TWoP used to have really cool forums years ago. You could listen in on or participate in discussions that added to your enjoyment of a TV show. Then they had a few bursts of popularity and the forums went all stupid. A lot of the great reviewers moved on, replaced by recappers whose sole purpose was to snark at anything their eyes beheld. There are a handful of great recappers and one of them is Al Lowe, who recaps "Deadwood." Her recaps are in-depth and intruguing. They add the additional layer that I used to get at TWoP. The forums are about as stoopid as stoopid can be. For example: a couple of weeks ago they didn't get why Ellsworth stopped short after kissing Alma. I'm sure a quick glimpse at Wikipedia could have enlightened anyone who cared to read that opiates are bitter and were usually sweetened before consumption. It was obvious he tasted the bittersweetness on her, realized she was doped and quit. You don't really need to be versed in history to know that. The ridiculous reasoning people were posting made me post for the first time in years just to point it out. It could not have been simpler, as I posted. Then I took a chance on the idea that maybe someone would have something intelligent to say about the best hour of television ever, from Sunday night. This is no hyperbole; it was the best hour of television I have ever seen. So what do the TWoPers have to say about it? They don't understand the whole Trixie thing. Why did she flash Hearst? Why did she shoot him in the shoulder? *SIGH* The reason she flashed him, in my opinion, is twofold: the sight of her T&S (as Al would call it) stunned him into standing still and it also kept his eyes from her face. He might not even know what color her hair is (on her head). The gun thing I also explained to Hawk, as a student of history and just one of those useless facts that I know. Those small guns were highly unreliable. Trixie's even lucky the damn thing fired, as they were notorious for not firing, for jamming, for exploding in the bearer's hand. Their aim is horrid, especially at the distance she was at. That she got him at all is a minor miracle. Above and beyond all this, Trxie is a fictional character. George Hearst is not. George Hearst was not shot to death by a strumpet in South Dakota. Therefore the demand on the script is maximum drama combined with historical accuracy (with the Official Creative License of course). One person remarked on the beautiful camera work as Ellsworth was rolled to the doc's. I completely agree. That's the kind of comment the forums used to be full of. Now it's a whole lot of verbal masturbation about everyone's ridiculous and far-flung Deadwood theories and how they can't grasp the simplest of conventions. How they follow a show so complex and layered is completely beyond my grasp. It's like the guy who buys Cliffs Notes istead of the novels for a lit class and it pisses me off.

But why is the rum gone?

2006-08-21T16:51:00.000-05:00

ETA: D's answers My friend D (of B&D) sent me a meme-ish e-mail today wherein I was supposed to fill in blanks about her. Since I didn't know some answers (hell, I don't even remember meeting Hawk), I decided to do it like this: > Your name: Sallie McHaggis > > > Where did we meet: On a white slave ship between Singapore and San Francisco > > > Take a stab at my middle name: Eunice > > > How long have you known me: Since the Nixon administration > > > Do I smoke: No. You sizzle > > > What was your first impression of me upon meeting: "The yellow hair girl will fetch a pretty price" > > > Color of my eyes: Are both the same > > > Do I have any siblings: Numerous, spread across every continent where your father traveled bootlegging spices and rum > > > What's one of my favorite things to do: Eat pudding > > > Do you remember one of the first things I said to you: "You've got to warn somebody before you just rip one off like that." > > > What's my favorite type of music: 17th century German chamber > > > What is the best feature about me: You have lovely earlobes > > > Am I shy or outgoing: After how many drinks? > > > Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules? I don't think you know there are any rules > > > What's your favorite memory of me: Our escape from Captain Quing-Ming and our ensuing years of prostitution in order to buy passage back to the New World > > > Any special talents: You could get an extra quid from European tourists for that tongue thing > > > Would you consider me a friend: I have to. You know too much. > > > How many children do I have: There are two in the house. I assume both are yours. > > > If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be: Buffy or Kitten > > > If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what one thing would I bring? Rum ======================== > Your name: D > > Where did we meet: You were hugging B, I thought YOU BITCH! > > Take a stab at my middle name: Ann > > How long have you known me: 20 years? > > Do I smoke: No. > > What was your first impression of me upon meeting: You BITCH! > > Color of my eyes: Hazel > > Do I have any siblings: Brothers > > What's one of my favorite things to do: writing great stories! > > Do you remember one of the first things I said to you: Oh, Hi > > What's my favorite type of music: All > > What is the best feature about me: Sick sense of humor > > Am I shy or outgoing: Outgoing > Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules? I don't think you know there are any rules > > What's your favorite memory of me: While visiting, thinking J cuddling w/ me was cute, til I kicked her off and told her I was done. The shock on your face(now you know the feeling) > > Any special talents: Descriptions of my products [D sells sex toys] > > Would you consider me a friend: I have to. You know too much > > How many children do I have: 2 but I think that won't happen again. > > If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be: SEX GODDESS > If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what one thing would I bring? Toys This is all true

FYI: New haircut

2006-08-20T13:33:00.000-05:00

We spent the day in State College

2006-08-19T22:03:00.000-05:00

Details later. Photos here.

Required reading

2006-08-19T08:57:00.000-05:00

You must check out Billygean. Just read the first 10 posts or so. They're short and delightfully funny (I laughed hard enough to make Hal give me his "wtf?" look). I particularly like the photo essay, the teakettle bit, the credt card with the bear on it... well, everything. Usually I just quietly add to the blogroll but I really wanted to point this out to everyone. I think if you dig me, you'll dig Billygean as well. I found it thanks to Suebob, who is also teh awesome.* * everone knows that's an on-pupose bit of silliness by way of Fark, right? Otherwise, I look teh stupid.

I'm worth every penny

2006-08-18T09:35:00.000-05:00

I'm just saying.

Being 34 years old is considered the most costly age, according to a survey. On average it was the most expensive year, the survey of 1,990 people by Axa Wealth Management suggested, with an average of �32,441 extra needed. Buying property and home improvements were the biggest expenditures, with weddings, babies and cars also adding to financial pressures. People aged 25 to 43 rated 26 as their most expensive age, while those aged 55 to 64 said it was 43. Spending money on holidays, honeymoons and cars were given as reasons for this by the younger age group. The older group cited property costs, home improvements and helping put their children through university. Axa spokesman Colin Nelson said: "While 34 was on average the most expensive year in life for all Britons, this study demonstrates that people of all ages face peaks in outgoings which see them having to cope with major expense at different times in their lives." He said that most of these expenses were for "pre-planned purchases or events that we tend to expect to happen at some stage". However, he said despite this, Axa's research found 53% of those surveyed said they had not saved ahead. The firm said this factor could have "helped fuel rising consumer debt" which had been seen in recent years.

Directions to Bumblefuck

2006-08-17T16:34:00.000-05:00

We ordered some furniture from Ikea: a sofa, a chaise, a computer desk and two bookcases. We saved on the delivery fee by ordering many items together instead of small shipments of single items. We had our sofa bed delivered as well, since the closest Ikea to Whazzatsmell was either Seattle or Houston. Only this time the delivery guy did not leave it boxed, on end for a 9-month-pregnant woman to deal with. So I ordered the sofa in a blue on blue stripe. Not available. In fact there was only one color of slipcover available for our house with two wee ones and a black dog who sheds: white. The white was $100 cheaper though, but somehow my total didn't reflect the change in price. Hrm. Anyway, I got the chaise to match. White. Heaven help me. I forsee much bleaching and use of Clorox pens. I needed to tell Ikea "white" when they sent me an e-mail saying "you know that color you wanted that our site says we have in stock? We don't." When I did that, I also changed my contact number from my cell phone to our home number. Naturally when the delivery place called on Tuesday, they called my cell phone. And they let me know that the stuff was coming the next day. So we cleared out the living room of toys & such and were all ready for the furniture. So the guy calls me at 11 yesterday (on my cell) and says he's in Altoona and how does he get to Bumblefuck? I give him perfect directions: take US-22 west to the Bumblefuck exit, which is PA Rt 53. Follow Rt 53 north, all the way through Bumblefuck. You will pass over some railroad tracks via a large bridge. Et cetera. The guy estimates maybe half an hour. That's about right. So noon rolls around and he's still not here. Then I get a call on the cell phone again. He's lost in Bumblefuck Country Club Acres. How in the world did he get there? Well he went over the railroad tracks and turned left and that's where he is. The only way that could have happened is if he had gotten off two exits early, miraculously found Rt 53 and missed Bumblefuck altogether. Then he mentions "the guy who gave me directions at the Sheetz." WTF? I gave you directions, you moron. I know you didn't write them down and all you repeated was "left at the fork" so I know you had NO idea where you were going. So instead of following my directions, he just drove along aimlessly and got directions from some guy at the Sheetz. So I say, "Where are you now?" *silence* "What are you looking at? Describe it to me." Thank god I grew up here or he'd have been in deep shit. "A golf course." Well there's only one golf course in Bumblefuck. "Okay, is it on your left or your right?" "My left." Fantastic. He's like four blocks away facing the wrong direction. So I start telling him how to get to our house from Country Club Road and he starts arguing with me. He says "Route 53 isn't marked anywhere. I saw Route 22." Technically you saw US 22, which is a different matter. However, I know very well that Rt 53 is well marked, provided one is on it. So I'm trying to get from him how he ended up there, to know where the directions went wrong. I said, "Did you go through town, past a cemetery on the right?" "The cemetery was on my left." Gah. "I know because I turned around in it." The locals just laughed. I said, "You turned around in the cemetery? Why? How?" Imagine turning a 70 ft semi around in a typical, older cemetery. "Is there more than one cemetery in town?" "Not that you'd have seen. So did you go over the railroad bridge?" "Did the tracks go under or over?" "Under. I told you that." "Well I turned left after I crossed that big bridge." "Then you should be here unless you were going south instead of north." "No, I was going north." He knows this despite the fact that Rt 53 is unmarked in any way. "Well if you want to get out of that neighborhood and the golf course is on your left, you're going to have to go out to Old US 22, to Rt 53 and up. In a circle. You'll pass a playground..." "Well I can put it on my right." So you're not driving as I'm trying to get you out of there. You're just sitting around navel-gazing. "Fine. Put it on your right. Get on Country Club Rd with the golf course on your right. Follow that road until it ends at Rt 53. Go right. Over bridge. Doctor's office. Etc." "So I follow this road and when I come to 53, I go straight?" "*SIGH* The road ends at 53. You can left or right. Go. Right. Cross. Bridge." It's 12:30 by the time he gets there. An hour and a half after he left a town that takes about 20 minutes to get to via car. So they unload our stuff and I say, "Do you know how to get out of here?" "I can find it." "Fine." Maybe he can go back to Sheetz, I think. But that's not all... So the nurses ask Hawk if we got our furniture yesterday. He relayed some of the above. The nurses laughed and said, "Was it a big North American truck?" Hawk: "Why yes." Apparently he turned around in the office parking lot. When he was looking for our place originally. So when he turned left after the railroad bridge, it was b/c he had already turned around at Hawk & Associates. Not a cemetery. A doctor's office. That I had specifically used as a landmark. Apparently it was very funny to see him turn the 70 ft semi around in the tiny parking lot. They said, "We thought maybe he was lost. We were all sitting out at the picnic table but he didn't ask us for directions." And the guy who gave him directions at Sheetz? Told him how to get to where the other end of where Cock Rd comes out... in Bumblefuck. So I have no idea what he did, why he did it and why he completely disregarded the directions I gave him. I hope he enjoyed his scenic tour of Bumblefuck though b/c we're all about pleasing people here. Even if our doctor offices resemble cemeteries.

My Very Earnest Mother Just Sewed Uncle Ned's Pants

2006-08-16T12:50:00.000-05:00

The universe really is expanding. Astronomers are proposing to rewrite the textbooks to say that our solar system has 12 planets rather than the nine memorized by generations of schoolchildren. Much-maligned Pluto would remain a planet and its largest moon plus two other heavenly bodies would join Earth's neighborhood under a draft resolution to be formally presented Wednesday to the International Astronomical Union, the arbiter of what is and isn't a planet. If the resolution is approved, the 12 planets in our solar system listed in order of their proximity to the sun would be Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Ceres, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto, Charon, and the provisionally named 2003 UB313. Its discoverer, Michael Brown of the California Institute of Technology, nicknamed it Xena after the warrior princess of TV fame, but it likely would be rechristened something else later, the panel said. Opponents of Pluto, which was named a planet in 1930, still might spoil for a fight. Earth's moon is larger; so is 2003 UB313 (Xena), about 70 miles wider. But the IAU said Pluto meets its proposed new definition of a planet: any round object larger than 800 kilometers (nearly 500 miles) in diameter that orbits the sun and has a mass roughly one-12,000th that of Earth. Moons and asteroids will make the grade if they meet those basic tests. Roundness is key, experts said, because it indicates an object has enough self-gravity to pull itself into a spherical shape. Yet Earth's moon wouldn't qualify because the two bodies' common center of gravity lies below the surface of the Earth.

Dances with Treadmills

2006-08-16T08:12:00.000-05:00

I like the music. I love the video. You just need to see it to dig it. OK Go: Here It Goes Again. ETA: So I haven't logged in at YouTube since we moved. I had comments on my "Zoe doing 'My-Precious'" video and when I rewatched it, I got similar videos. This one cracks my shit up: Gollum masturbating. That should do wonders for my Google hits.

Typical Chez Piggyhawk lullaby: "Enter Sandman"

2006-08-15T10:28:00.000-05:00

As you may remember, we steeped Zosie in rock in her early days but we haven't had the same kind of time with Hal. So what I really need to do is stock up on Baby Rock Records like the new release Rockabye Baby! Lullaby Renditions of Metallica. Just taste "One" or "Enter Sandman." They also have The Beach Boys (much to the delight of Hawk and Callie), Led Zeppelin, Nirvana (I'm so there), Radiohead, Coldplay (Hawk will be adding that to the cart), Tool, Pink Floyd, The Beatles (of course) and more. I think U2 and Green Day would also work well. Zosie loves American Idiot and Hal loves Rattle & Hum.

I have a webhost, if you want one

2006-08-14T16:18:00.000-05:00

My web host is having a deal on sign-ups & stuff. I really, honestly recommend them.

Refer a friend, colleague, or a customer to our services, and ask them to enter "http://www.piggyhawk.net" in the "how did you find us" section of the order form.

Hosting for basic packages runs only about $9 per month. You pay for a year at a time. The only trouble I've had with my webhost has been problems w/ my Target Visa, which I use to pay. My domain & service are renewed around the same time as I'm shopping for Christmas. Target sees that I'm using the card more than usual, they go "eeeek!" and freeze the card until they're sure it's me. It's a huge pain in the ass but SuperNova has always put me back online while waiting for Target to loosen up already. So if you want to start your own website, put your blog on your own domain, whatever, talk to Supernova, who also hosts Toasted Cheese (I don't pay for TC; I just saw how good the hosting was there & signed up myself). You know I don't do ads or blogwhoring, other than [for] charities, but many times someone has asked who I recommend and Supernova is the one. BTW: You could put www.toasted-cheese.com as a referrer instead. That works just as well :)

Monday miscellanea

2006-08-14T11:51:00.000-05:00

Gaming went well. We had a long session, since we didn't have to worry about a DM losing his high. Then afterward S made burgers and tater tots. Z ate two cheese weinies! So we've found something to feed her anyway. She & Rhi & H and B all played together under the supervision of S&S's nanny. I had never left Z in anyone's care other than Hawk and, when Hal was being born, Bets. So that was a new experience. I knew she was entertained w/ Rhi. Hal also did well, apparently, which isn't surprising since he is easygoing. He had one of his trademark 20 minute naps and the nanny was like "He only napped 20 minutes!" I said, "That's his MO. Twenty minutes to maybe an hour if I'm lucky and he's ready to go again." My character is a fifth level cleric of Pelor. I didn't do a whole lot last night. I rolled badly and really didn't have a lot to contribute to the game. I also don't have as much gaming experience as the others. But we did have lots of fun. There was a moment when I got into a laughing jag about hobbit farts (I laughed 'til I cried and then some). Also B of B&B is a drug rep which means he brought snacks that he could write off as a business expense since he gave Hawk his drug spiel. Hawk actually learned some stuff & might write some scripts based on what he learned. Plus potato skins! What else do you need? A meme

Five Things In My Freezer: Our new freezer has a pull-out shelf and a drawer. It is teh awesome! Sugar free popsicles (Z has one every day, sometimes two) Unopened pint B&Js Dublin Mudslide Pack of Chicken Boxes of frozen veggies (stack easier than bags, which we also have) A pork roast (gonna make pulled pork sammies out of that) Five Things In My Closet: My closet is an absolute wreck. And you know how I am about my closet. But here goes... Folded lightweight sweaters My wedding dress Summer skirts Socks in boxes Unladen hangers Five Things In My Car: ...which I never really use alone, as the driver these days. Which is sad. The duo stroller, which is useless now that Z insists on walking everywhere but is fine by me b/c I prefer the single stroller Lip gloss Shopping cart cover CD opener (to break the cellophane on new CDs) Empty water & pop bottles (not mine) Five Things In My Diaper Bag (or purse/wallet): I have the world's largest diaper bag. Some stuff in it includes... Coppertone Continuous Spray Sunscreen (never leave home w/o it) Size 4T Huggies Pull-ups and Size 3 Pampers Cruisers A Ziploc containing spoons, bibs, food and juice for H, labeled as such Advil (for me) and Motrin (for H) Crayons, for coloring emergencies Five Books On My Nightstand: I have a nice big drawer so I can put books IN my nightstand now! The Catcher In The Rye The Story of O Small Gods Zoe's baby scrapbook I Hated, Hated, Hated This Movie

Deadwood: When will they learn that maybe we want to see Joanie & Jane? Why do they cut away after one little kiss? Blech. Also it was nice to see the old Al back again. I'd almost grown complacent. And could Bullock have been more clenched there at the end? That'll learn him to go out of town. Alma had everybody clenched (and Al, well, Al knows how to relieve a clench). We missed the first 15 minutes so I missed her getting shot at. Did Silas ever send the telegram to my husband? I missed it if he did. And what was up w/ the woman and Brian Cox? Are they an item or something? I care about one scintilla b/c I really don't get the point of the whole acting troupe thing. Hawk thinks Alma shoots Hearst. I hope so. That's be as awesome as my new drawer freezer!

Gamers and panties

2006-08-12T18:28:00.000-05:00

I bet I get beaucoup hits from Erie Blogs with that title. How goes the hard drive? It goes. I've spent a fair amount of time in the last week reinstalling programs from Firefox to Adobe. I have the wrong outgoing server for our Thunderbird (at-home) e-mail and wouldn't ya know I decided to get my TC mail there again and now I can't reply to anything. I'll fix that in the next day or two. Rob The Computer Wizard had a party for his daughter's birthday today & I updated him on all. the. stuff. we. have. to. download. One thing I'd like to get back are the fonts I had, for graphics & such. But I can't actually see any fonts at the font site. Do you see them? I mean, I see where to download but I can't see the samples to know what to download. S of S&S asked today and so I'll tell you as well: yes, The Sims are back and running. A girl has priorities, you know. I loathe the idea of sending Angela and Lilith through college again but I'll probably do it. Speaking of S, I keep forgetting that we start a new gaming campaign tomorrow. We haven't gamed since Reply-All Rog went on a bender and sent his nastygram. More here. So anyway, you'll be able to enjoy all the D&D goodness every week. I also flashed a fluke today while helping gather up pinata candy. I hope everyone enjoyed :) It's a good thing I was wearing das sexy hot pink lace panties, if I'm giving free eye candy. I had to admit that publicly b/c I have a photo of S doing a similar act last weekend but fluke-free. So now we're even. I won't recreate the moment b/c then it won't be special anymore. Next child's party, I'm breaking out the black silk thong and the Glenlivet.

I made this

2006-08-11T23:38:00.000-05:00

Jakedog
Originally uploaded by edenza.

And I thought I'd share it w/ all of you.

I think Jake would like this.

All About Eden

2006-08-10T17:34:00.001-05:00

So I'm getting a fair number of hits from The Blogger Network (ATJ has also joined). I figure that maybe I should put a little something up about what I usually blog about, since my main page is taken up with posts about losing our hard drives and snakes.

I blog some about my younglings but do most of my youngling blogging at The Younglings. I have two of them: Z just turned 3 and H is 7.5 mo. I also have a man named Hawk and a dog named Jake. We live in Bumblefuck, Pennsylvania, lately of Erie.

His family drives me up a fucking wall. Their names are Jed, Bets, Scooter, K-Dawg, Char (married to Scooter), Thing 1 and Thing 2 (nephews).

My mother drives everyone crazy. She has BPD. For more info on BPD, Netflix Mommie Dearest. Her name is Flora. My mother is funny & cool and we found each other online in April. She isn't crazy. Her name is Callie (or Cali or Calli depending on my mood). I have two mothers b/c Flora is my adoptive mother and Callie is my birth mother.

I have a father whose idea of conversation is "Hang on. I'll get your mother."

I have two brothers, D1 and D2. D2 is a.k.a. "Hotshot" as in "Hotshot Lawyer." They were 20 and almost 17 when I was born. We're most definitely not close.

Jed just showed up, by invitation for dinner. Our friend S of S&S asked me to relay the conversation topic from Zosie's party Saturday. Apparently Jed thinks cats can glide, like flying squirrels, if dropped from the proper height. S says, "You have to blog about the gliding cats." It's not a conversation I heard nor is it one I need to hear. He handed me a bag of cucumbers when I was trying to get food out for the party.

So anyway...

I also blog about my lust for Joaquin Phoenix and the fact that Tom Cruise, Insufferable Prick ™, Has Gone Nuts. My favorite show is "Deadwood" and I reserve the right to gush at the gash about it every Monday. At least for the next three Mondays.

I blog separately about crafting (both handi- and witch-), writing and editing, Sims (who all died in The Great Hard Drive Failure of 2006) and politics/activism. The blog is ad-free by choice and the only time I've asked for money was for the 2006 Walk America, when I walked for a pregnant friend who usually did but couldn't. The excellent people who helped me raise over $500 for the charity are listed here.

I have the world's best blogreaders/blogfriends, who will probably add their observations in the comments (please do!).

I dislike selective ignorance, cheese food product and Thomas Kincaide paintings. I like writing, sex and pissing people off.

Party photos are up

2006-08-10T10:26:00.000-05:00

Some kids Originally uploaded by edenza.

... such as they are. But you can get an idea of the party from what's available. View them by set here.

Register your blog by city

2006-08-10T09:22:00.000-05:00

Click the post title to do it. Just an FYI. I know I enjoy(ed) being part of a blogging community based on geography. Maybe you can make a network too. ETA: There are only certain cities available. The Pennsylvania listings are only Philly and Pocono Pines (wtf?). I suggested "central PA" and, oh I dunno, PITTSFUCKINGBURG? Jezzus. Erie folk, you're on your own. ETA: She added Pittsburgh, Erie and central PA. I'd also like to say that after I signed up, I saw this:

So anyway...
M
P
H
Eden
Michael Mahler's Ditherings

Michael Mahler
erin-go-blog!
P
L

erin-go-blog!
Boozie...Fat, Drunk, Happy
H
P
H
Boozie
Me... as soon as I figure me out
C
F
P
Raquita

We have hard drives

2006-08-08T21:11:00.000-05:00

And now we get to redo all our bookmarks (luckily I had many saved at Yahoo), passwords, downloads, etc. The joy! The rapture! The fresh fruit!

Snakes on a Blog

2006-08-08T10:25:00.001-05:00

So after the Snake Episode last week, I find myself inundated w/ snake stuff.

Jen (14221) posted that you can have Sam Jackson call and threaten people to go see SoaP or else. So naturally I did it. I wonder if Hawk will answer the call or just let the phone pick it up as I intended. I was going to send it to S&S's house but if I wake up S w/ a Samuel Jackson phone call, I don't think that would be good. So I e-mailed it to the other S and made it from Hawk b/c it says to go pick up ___ and take him/her to the movie.

So I've been thinking that I should probably say something about my deep-rooted fear and hatred of snakes. I can appreciate them fine on TV. Not when they're falling out of an oxygen compartment or rotting in my driveway.

I grew up in Florida. I have had more than my share of snake encounters. I've seen blacksnakes, cottonmouths, rattlers, etc. in action live and in the wild. I can spot a coral snake and a king snake. Hawk tells me that copperhead nests smell of dill. I have touched a boa constrictor and I've seen an eastern diamondback milked.

That being said...

I have less than no desire to see SoaP. If I were dragged to a theater and tied to my chair, I would probably sit with my feet on my chair, gripping the armrests and crying.

In high school some evil boys hung snakeskins in my locker as a prank. I married one of the evil boys and he won't out the others. If any of the suspects would care to out himself, (B, S, P?) go right ahead.

Some people would draw snakes on a piece of notebook paper and write the heinous word "slither" all over it just to annoy the shit out of me. I don't mean like simple sketches. I mean like rearing cobras.

And here's the thing that's probably most bizarre of all, esp to snake lovers: the small the snake, the more of a screaming mimi I become. Anacondas, boas, pythons... I can handle those, in theory. Once they start getting down to sidewinder size, I'm done. Hawk even had to prepare me for the briefcase scene in Kill Bill 2 (he saw it in the theater whilst I shopped at Flatiron) b/c he knew that the skinny little black mamba popping up into the camera would not go over well.

My least favorite snake in the world: garter snakes.

I know they're harmless. I know they're even beneficial to gardens and such. But I. Don't. Care. They're little and squiggly and they'd kill you as soon as look at you! I know it. They move at about 80 mph and use their forked tongues to turn your skin inside out before swallowing you whole.

What I don't like about snakes is their dead oil bead, vertical slit eyes (I'm not terribly fond of that in cats either but I'll deal with it). It's also why I'm not a big fan of birds or fish either. I also don't like the way they move. And I don't like the shape of them. Size-wise, I hate a cobra but once they make that hood, it's better. B/c they don't look so snakey anymore. Also they're wild and unpredictable. I like to have some idea of what a wild animal will do. Snakes: strike and kill. Period! That's all I need to know.

Steve Irwin is a complete mystery to me. "Here's the world's most dangerous snake. I'm gonna poke it with a stick! Ooh, he didn't like that, did he? Let's grab him!"

Now you might think that I shy away from documentaries about these deadly creatures but I don't. I try to watch them so I can learn about them. This way if I ever come across one, I know what to do. Answer: run away screaming. Hence the innate fear of SoaP. Where to run? Clever bastards.

I have two basic nightmares: one is that I live at home w/ Flora and she's gone off the deep end (these are based on reality) and the other is that there's a snake in my bed. Many, many times, I've jumped up and flipped on a light only to find the only thing in my bed is covered with hair, not scales.

I stopped reading To Kill A Mockingbird when Scout says, "Jem, what does a snake feel like?" Eventually I steeled myself and picked it back up. Luckily it wasn't one; it was Dill.

It used to be that my biggest fears were snakes and fire. I have conquered the fear of fire. I have no need or desire to conquer the fear of snakes. My great nightmare is that one/both of my children will want to be a herpetologist and I'll have to encourage that interest.

On Saturday, S&S and their kids Rhi & B met us for dinner at Eat N Park. The waitress told us a story about her child finding a snake in the garden and playing with it. She said, "It could have bitten him." I said, "Exactly!" and everyone laughed. B/c those garter snakes are damn dangerous and if there are any snakes around here thinking of going near my children, they'll find themselves on the business side of a shovel before they can say "motherfucking snake on a motherfucking plane." S&S thought the waitress snake story was delightful, in light of the recent driveway episode. I mean, why has everything been snakey lately? Is it a vast conspiracy to drive me mad? I think so.

Well I need to go fetch Baby H from his crib. Z is watching her daily dose of Harry Potter, which is RIFE with snakes and now she speaks Parseltongue to me. Charming, no?

Eek! A quiz result

2006-08-08T10:24:00.000-05:00

I usually post these at my Livejournal, which only exists for such a purpose (and for commenting in LJs). But I don't feel like searching, retrieving PWs, etc. so here it is:
Harry Potter Personality Quiz by Pirate Monkeys Inc.

Letter to EW

2006-08-07T10:55:00.000-05:00

EW is one of many media outlets that reported on Mel Gibson's verbal tirade, focusing on the anti-Semitism of his remarks. Granted, the majority of what he said was hate speech against Jews and was the rightful focus of the reports. I was disappointed, however, that his sexist slur of "sugar-tits" against a female police officer was given no attention aside from a mention. EW reported the outrage and calls for boycotts against Gibson due to his anti-Semitic statements but where were the calls from Hollywood (and elsewhere) to shun him due to his sexist outburst as well? I hope it wasn't because we, the media and the public, didn't notice.

The first mention I even heard of "sugar tits" was in the comment Thordora left on my blog entry about his arrest. I had no idea what she meant b/c none of the report's I'd read even mentioned it. It was days later until I was like, "Oh that's what she meant by 'sugar tits.'" Gak.

The hard drive is dead

2006-08-06T17:03:00.001-05:00

Take this as a reminder to put your photos at Flickr, on a jumpdrive, print them, etc right now. We've lost all of our photos from April-July except for the ones I can get from Flickr (ones before April I had uploaded to Kodak for ordering). I'm going to investigate one of those hard drive data recovery services to see if I can retrieve any of them in time. Until then, over 2000 photos gone. What pisses me off is that I went to order some from that time period last week and the file was too big to upload to Kodak for ordering (which is why I know there were 2000+) and I never got the opportunity to break them down into smaller albums and upload them. B/c I have too much other shit to do. So if you're in the same situation, maybe you can learn from my mistake and do something about your photos now. I also like to send photos, stories, etc. to e-mail addresses I rarely use and just store them there. Maybe that'll work for you. It'll be a while until we can install new hard drives into the old CPU and luckily my favorite photos are at Flickr or at Blogger (ie: I shared them w/ you) so not all is lost. But enough is lost...

Hard drive goes boom

2006-08-06T10:14:00.000-05:00

Something has happened to our just over a year old computer. Either the hard drive has failed or the connection between the two hard drives won't allow them to communicate. In any case, we're using the laptop for the time being. How did the party go? It went. And that's about all I can say at present time. I have next to no video and photos are also few & far between. I'll some ASAP. Once I get used to the laptop again.

Snakes on a driveway

2006-08-04T12:07:00.001-05:00

So Hawk tells me last night, "Not to squick you out or anything but there's a dead snake on the road by the end of the driveway. It's about this long." According to my estimate, he stretched his hands to about seven feet apart.

Then last night we had a huge thunderstorm go through.

Then as I'm going to bed, I'm trying not to think about the snake on the road and how it could have been a scout for a whole legion of reptiles just waiting for the chance to slither across the road, through my yard and into my heating ducts or dryer vent.

So Hawk comes home for lunch, as his office is 1/10 mi away. He says, "Remember that snake I told you about? The dead one?"

Where's Sam Jackson when you need him? "Um yes."

"Well it's in the driveway now."

"I THOUGHT YOU SAID IT WAS DEAD!"

"The rain must've washed it into the driveway."

It's not dead. It's not dead at all. I know that snakes play dead and it's playing dead when Hawk walks by. And it's slithering ever so slowly toward the house, stalking me like the legless vermin that it is, keeping me inside for all eternity.

It should be here by Halloween.

PS: I have just made the day of S of S&S. Hope you enjoyed ;) *shudder*

TCHGN: Breaking News

2006-08-04T11:16:00.000-05:00

Via Calli:

BREAKING NEWS: Rumor has it (and you can blog this) � Tom and Katie are getting married at the huge Scientology Center in LA today. The traffic reporter is making reports every so often. When he flies over, he can see a lot of activity at the center -� a lot of tables set up and stuff like that. Rumor has it also that they had a Catholic ceremony last weekend and now will have their Scientology ceremony. Gee �- wonder if Suri will be there? Or will it be the was figure from Madam Tussaud�s?

See, Flora would never alert me to Tom Cruise news.

Kitchen before & after

2006-08-03T08:53:00.000-05:00

Before: Today: It's not decorated or 100% cleaned up but you get the idea. Other kitchen photos.

Call your mother

2006-08-02T12:17:00.000-05:00

Cali & Al
Originally uploaded by edenza.

So I have need to go to a Wal-Mart yesterday. As you know, I'm just about as unfamiliar w/ Wal-Mart as can be but I do know enough that if I need some bizarre thing (like a small helium tank), they have it.

Cali is a fan of Wal-mart like I am a fan of Target. Yesterday we had a little e-mail exchange about knitting & yarns & such. She told me about this one she's only found at Wal-Mart and she was looking online to see if she could find it anywhere else. The only thing either of us could find via Google was that it's marked down to $1/skein at every Wal-Mart in North America (and therefore probably discontinued).

So I'm in the Altoona Wal-Mart (which is closer than the West Bumblefuck Wal-Mart by a mile -- go figure!) and I'm checking out the craft area, just to see what they have that I might need (answer: I need it all). They have a decent yarn selection but not this NoBo yarn. I'd said to myself, "If I find it, I'll call Cali and ask her if she needs any." So I go to continue finding what I need and I find the clearance crafts. There's the NoBo. So I call Cali on my cell phone and end up chitchatting about yarn and Wal-Mart and all kinds of stuff while I'm shopping.

She's telling me stories (like about how when she was a kid, everyone in her J-town neighborhood had to go out in the cold & snow to watch a factory burn down b/c it was free entertainment, akin to a neighborhood block party) and I'm looking for dog food and I can't find it anywhere. So I say, "I'm looking for the dog food and I can't find it." I'm in the grocery area, near the children's clothing (got Hal a PSU football jersey for fall). Cali says, just kind of offhand, "It's over by the garden center."

Me: "Oh?"

Cali: "Yeah, the pet food is over by the garden center, near the tools and tires and manly stuff."

So I head over to the garden center and voila! There's the dog food. I tell her so. She says, "When it doubt, call Mom."

This is all so new to me. If I'd called Flora, it would have been a big, "What are you buying? What are you getting now? Where are the children? (sleeping in the car w/ Hawk) Why do you need dog food?" kind of adventure. Instead, I was absolutely entertained and distracted from the fact that I was shopping in a Wal-Mart.

I got everything I needed (baby wipes, helium tank, dog food) and only two superfluous things (football jersey and two skeins of the $1 NoBo yarn) and had a lovely conversation w/ Cali all in half an hour.

It also gives me an excuse to share a cropped version of this awesome photo of her w/ Al Jardine. She's a Beach Boys fanatic (not unlike Hawk) and was president of a fan club branch and has met him more than once. Al Jardine, baby! With hair!

Blame the balls

2006-08-02T10:42:00.000-05:00

Illegal, waterlogged baseballs are the real reason runs are harder to come by at Coors Field nowadays, Milwaukee infielder Jeff Cirillo suggested Tuesday. Cirillo said that on Monday he compared a baseball from Milwaukee that Brewers first base coach Dave Nelson used to hit fly balls to the outfielders with one from that night's game. The one from Denver was spongy, puffy and heavy, he said. "One looked like a round ball and the other looked like an oblong ball," Cirillo said. "And even some of the infielders said when they were throwing across the diamond, the ball felt a little heavy." Cirillo did not offer the baseballs as evidence when he spoke to reporters before the Brewers-Rockies game on Tuesday night. The baseball from Milwaukee might simply have dried out and shrunk in Denver's thin air, the very reason the humidor was introduced at Coors Field five years ago. Balls are now stored in a humidor before they are used in Colorado's home park. Cirillo said he's serious and that baseball should investigate his claims. "It's pretty dramatic, wouldn't you say? Most shutouts in Coors Field, in the National League, when you take into account Petco, Dodger Stadium, where Washington plays. Those are huge parks," Cirillo said. "Hey, I'm not the first one to complain about it."

Rockies? Cheat? Noooooo... I can't imagine anyone in Denver trying to pull one over on someone. /sarcasm

Love Your Mother

2006-07-31T11:16:00.000-05:00

Without going all religious-explanation on you, I have a lot of mothers. One of these is Mother Earth. Hawk & I have long considered giving to The Arbor Day Foundation and a friend of ours who belonged said, "If you join, they send you trees." So we thought, "Cool. Once we get settled, let's join." So it crossed my mind today and I thought, "Let's see if we have enough free cash to get signed up so everything's in order by the time planting season comes around." It's only $10-15 to join the Arbor Day Foundation AND you get 10 free trees! 10 trees! TEN! For $10! A buck a tree! Are you shitting me? I could plant ten beautiful trees in my yard? Then in six months I can do a new membership and get ten more? Holy pinecones, Batman! Of course, you don't have to get the trees if you don't want them or can't take them. But you can join the Arbor Day Foundation for only $15/yr (the $10 is for 6 mo). If I'd known it was so cheap to join, we'd have joined years ago. So I'm spreading the word: a week's worth of coffee can get you ten trees and some excellent karma w/ Mother Earth. Yes, I'm a damn dirty hippie. And proud of it ;)

Mel Gibson has gone nuts

2006-07-30T23:18:00.000-05:00

Did you hear? Not only was he sloshed, he was also (*ahem*) disorderly. And a raging anti-Semite.

The entertainment Web site TMZ posted what it said were four pages from the original arrest report, which quoted Gibson as launching an expletive-laden "barrage of anti-Semitic remarks" after he was stopped on Pacific Coast Highway. According to the report, in addition to threatening the arresting deputy and trying to escape, Gibson said, "The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world," and asked the officer, James Mee, "Are you a Jew?" The report has not been made public, but the Los Angeles Times reported Sunday that it had independently verified its authenticity.

Gee. Mel Gibson? Anti-Semitic? Noooo.

Gibson said in his apology that he said "despicable" things to deputies during his arrest. "I acted like a person completely out of control when I was arrested and said things that I do not believe to be true and which are despicable," Gibson said. Abraham H. Foxman, national director of the Anti-Defamation League, called Gibson's apology "unremorseful and insufficient." "It's not a proper apology because it does not go to the essence of his bigotry and his anti-Semitism," he said in a statement on the organization's Web site. "We would hope that Hollywood now would realize the bigot in their midst and that they will distance themselves from this anti-Semite." This is not the first time Gibson has faced accusations of anti-Semitism. Gibson produced, directed and financed "Passion," which some Jewish leaders said cast Jews as the killers of Jesus.

Not to be forgotten that he's also a drunk and a fucking moron who drives while intoxicated. He was doing 87 in a 45 at 2:30 a.m. So he's a winner all around. Will I ever be able to enjoy Braveheart again? It certainly adds a layer of newfound joy to some heretofore gruesome scenes.

I'm so not at BlogHer

2006-07-30T08:11:00.000-05:00

... so you can thoroughly enjoy what I'm saying and feel included, not excluded. You know those commercials for cleaning products wherein a sponge, mop, cloth, etc. cuts a swath of cleanliness through a puddle of grease, dirt or unidentifiable mess? I've always thought, "Who lets her kitchen/bathroom get that filthy?" So last night I finally had the opportunity to mop my kitchen floor. I have a sparkly-new butterfly mop (note: they have Magic Eraser mops now! Mops, baby!) but don't know where my fancyass Persian lime floor cleaner is. So I know the floor is filthy so I squirt a little Dawn into the kitchen sink full of hot water, suds it up and get mopping. I always add a little Dawn b/c it cuts grease®;. So I'm mopping at midnight and I do my first pass near the fridge. Our new stainless steel, freezer-on-bottom ultramodern fridge w/ a front that is not magnetic and therefore drives me insane. I went, "Huh." So I did a second pass. This time the dirt leaves an actual line of brown foam along the mop's path. So I go over the area between the counter & the island and I get to the path through the kitchen between the front & back doors. I've rinsed the mop and have all new soapy water and I do one swipe on the floor. It's a different color. The floor is apparently white. White! And all this time I thought it was beige. So I got up a fair amount of dirt so the Dawn worked well but the floor is slightly soapy-slippery today (or, as they say in Bumblefuck, "slippy") so I'll need to do it properly w/ floor cleaner. The water was the color of an Americano. It was horrid. Now I feel like I need to fit in w/ the women in the commercials, cleaning my house while wearing chinos and postioning my perfectly manicured hand just so on my sponge. I also need a time elapse clock and "the other leading cleaner" for contrast. *time elapse* Yap. That "need to fit in" shit has passed. Thanks for asking. ETA: Photo showing where I did not mop under the rug last night. Tonight I moved it to mop under it & snapped this first:

Update on previous entry

2006-07-28T20:21:00.000-05:00

8:07: Phone rings whilst I'm making dinner (burgers -- meatloaf would've taken too long but I did put out the anal-leakage-inducing Ruffles and vegetarian baked beans). I say to Char, "Watch that be Bets wanting to know when dinner's ready." It's Bets. Wanting to know when dinner's ready. Hehehehe. She says she has to stop & get ice for Thing 2's birthday party tomorrow, take it to Jed's place and then she'll be over. She's calling from home which is five minutes away if she hits both lights in Bumblefuck. So I relay this information to Char & go off to relay it to Hawk. Hawk is in the midst of a lecture on The Bird to Thing 1. I don't know. I'm not sure I want to know. 8:54: We're in the second wave of dinner. First wave was Hawk, K-Dawg & The Things and Unauthorized Cinnamon (previously named "Tony"). I can only make 6 burgers at a time on the broiler. So anyway, Char, Z and I are eating and I say, "I wonder where Bets is. If she doesn't get here, I'm giving that burger to the dog." About ten minutes later, she shows up. She didn't stop for ice, didn't go to Jed's but she did eat. So K-Dawg ate her burger (I think). The Things and UC ate outside (UC: "Can we eat outside?" Me: "Please!") Then they thought it would be funny to let the dog out & chase him into the screen door. Then when I gave them hell, UC stood at the screen door giving me all the reasons why Jake was bothering them. I completely ignored him, the little shit. Then the boys all wanted more hamburgers. I suppose it was a good sign. Then they started comparing the best burgers they'd ever had. I came in second. Yay me. Apparently UC was impressed. Wait 'til those extra chips (that he took when I said we were out of burgers) kick in.

Friday night in Bumblefuck

2006-07-28T17:15:00.000-05:00

So here's what's happening... I'm trying to put together a dining chair b/c apparently, unbeknownst to me, we're hosting dinner tonight and we can use the extra chairs we got last week. The carts weren't labeled by color and so this one I just finished is white. Meh. Whatever. So I'm trying to put this chair together when Char shows up w/ The Things. K-Dawg is already here and had been for about three hours and has been helpful. He & Hawk are trying to get that second coat up in the kitchen. Since we had announced that the work we wanted to do today was in the kitchen, I assume that's where the "since the kitchen will be all torn up, I want to scrape together a huge dinner from the food we bought for just ourselves." As I'm putting this chair together, I'm concentrating on this two-handed portion of the job and Z is "helping" me by putting the screwdrivers in the holes, etc. Then I realize The Things are awfully quiet. I hear Hawk open the back door and yell for them to get off the glider of Z's swingset, that they're too big. Their entire existence is bull-in-a-china-shop meets a two-funneled hurricane. So I get to the point where I need to attach the seat and I take it to the dining table and I see three kids outside. Three. I say to Char, "Who. Is. That. Boy?" "Oh that's Tony. I have him until Sunday." I missed the part of the "hey, I have an extra kid I'm bringing along up to your house to freeload food off of you and have my kids tear up your house that you're trying to get under control." When she called to say "here we come," I told Hawk to tell her we didn't need her, assuming the point was to babysit while we did stuff. He said it sounded like she wanted to come. So it was like, fine. I'll bite my tongue and everyone can come here and whatthefuckever. Now there's this strange kid I've never heard of helping them tear around and be maniacs and do god knows what. We've already had to yell at them about their shoes and tracking dog shit into the house. I've had to get them to move their asses so I could look for a lost screw for the chair. I just think that if you're inviting yourself to dinner at someone's house and you intend to bring an extra person, you could at least say, "Hey, I'm bringing another ill-behaved hellion." I'm so making meatloaf. ETA: The second I hit "post," Thing 2 comes up and says, "Is this the screw?" Hawk: "Um, noooo. Where did you find that?" T2: "Downstairs." Hawk: "Where downstairs?" T2: *duhr* Hawk, coldly: "Why don't you show me?" So they're getting into stuff. I didn't even know they were coming and believe it or not, not everyone is even here yet. I'm going to get one of those on-grounds things from Sims2 "Open For Business" that when people set foot on a property, you can charge them by how long they stay and you can put a price on everything. Did I tell you Thing 1 broke my favorite and newest Ikea table last week? I told him the next thing he breaks, he's paying for it. I added, "And there's a lot of expensive stuff around here so I suggest you be more careful about what you're doing." I almost said, "mindful" but I didn't want to get his "me no speakee you language" look.

Life on Bumblefuck Mountain

2006-07-26T10:38:00.000-05:00

Our house is full of boxes but not as many boxes as there were this time last week. It's been pretty much non-stop unpacking, entertaining and general non-computer-related activity since we got here. Last week we were Down The Mountain just about every day. It was 100 degrees in Altoona one of those days. I don't know which one b/c all the days blur together. I was standing in the Tarzhay parking lot thinking, "Is there a burning cigarette or something by my ankle?" No. It was just heat off the pavement. Still not as hot as when I was nine months pregnant and we went to the Rockies game and it was 115 degrees on the highway and then the escalator at Coors Field collapsed. So anyway... I then had some intestinal distress over the weekend. It was not good. Didn't stop me from cooking dinner for everyone on Sunday. No one picked up my bug so I must do all right on my cleanliness scale. Plus the kids didn't get it. I have learned: Waterproof diapers are not actually diapers. They're a courtesy barrier between your child's ass and others. Z asked to wear a "Nemo diaper" yesterday, peed and it went right over the diaper's surface, down her legs and onto a towel she was playing with (luckily). I posted a photo of our brokedown turkey coop at Flickr. The folks who lived here kept turkeys for a while. One day the turkeys got loose and went to terrorize the patients at Hawk's new practice which, as you may remember, is within walking distance. The office manager had to call them and say "Come wrangle your turkeys." I found out why Scooter was taking so long to fill this pool. It's an 1800 gallon pool. He had a 200 gallon tank in his truck. He was making runs to some pond for water. So when Char tells me this, I say, "So he has to make nine runs to fill your pool with pond water?" She makes a brief calculation and says, "Um, yeah." I suppose they're going to treat it anyway but still. Hawk was in Erie yesterday to get a few remaining things, sign some paperwork from work, visit Dr Cartman, get some Romolos chocolate & Smith's hot dogs, etc. Important stuff. You know. He got home at 3 a.m. He is totally out of it today and he's been reading Naked on the toilet so he's talking like David Sedaris so that's pretty funny. I finally got to see "Deadwood" last night. I hope there's more Joanie/Jane next week and less of this bizarre thing w/ the actors. If it weren't Brian Cox, I'd say "none" instead of "less." Can I just say that I had no idea Gerald McRaney was such a good actor? If you can hold your own against Ian McShane, you have to be. Well, we're off Down The Mountain so I'll update when I can.